Ability’s Muse: Thin line between assistance and degradation

Columns October 30, 2013

Helping those who can help themselves is no service. In fact, it’s counterproductive and, at times, even offensive. Where there are differences in abilities, there’s need for a difference in approach and support. It will never be beneficial to adopt a rescue mentality, or to project pity onto another.

When you see an individual who walks with a cane approaching a door, what are your instincts? I invite you to examine the thought process that so quickly runs through your mind in such a situation.

Should the roles be reversed, would you want assistance you potentially may not require? Would you want anyone to make the assumption that you are unable to perform a task, such as opening a door? Assumption of another’s perceived lack of ability, even with the most well-meaning intention, is highly problematic. So, should such a situation come to pass, I ask you to be present. Be aware that there’s an immense spectrum of abilities and corresponding individual approaches.

When an individual is in need of support, it’s crucial to allow them to request it. If, for some reason, they cannot bring themselves to or are unable to ask for help, it would then be appropriate to offer a helping hand or a supportive ear.

The act of assuming that someone is in need of assistance can be demeaning to the very individual that this help is intended to benefit. It’s a hindrance to presume inability, as it promotes enablement, disempowerment, and robs the individual of their right to independence.