Ugh like whoa, we made it through one month of these long classes but now we’re in another OMG can it please stop? Well here are some fortunes to help you out a bit!
Aries: Hairies! Hairy Aries! LOL just kidding, hi Aries! Hope you bought a lotto ticket like I told you to last time. Umm you didn’t well why do you even read this then? Please come find me my office is in the middle of Hillside where I meditate LOL you can’t miss me I’m River. River Rainfall!
Taurus: So you’re a bull? Bullshit! LOL sorry omg I wonder if I can say that on this radio show or whatever this is? Anyway, I’d appreciate you helping me out a bit because I’m struggling this semester umm so yeah that’s your fortune tutor me.
Gemini: “Tutor” is such a weird looking word! Anyway, avoid tomatoes, small pieces of orange-ish paper (orange paper is fine, but if it’s an off-orange, orange-y kinda thing, avoid), and weird little monkeys with glasses and mustaches! Holy specific and weird fortune!
Cancer: LOL totally pulling Gemini’s leg there again. Did that last time, too. As for you… I’d never pull your leg! So watch out for unicorns, and flying horses with horns. For reals.
Leo: Sooo… between me and you, Lee the Leo is back in my life. He found me meditating on Hillside and pulled me out of the way before this Nissan almost plowed me over (That was me.–ed.) We totally kissed and yeah, we’re kinda hanging around again. So, Lee, I mean Leo, love is in the air!
Virgo: Hi! I’m starting to think you’re a bit of a bad seed. I know what you did last spring! LOL. Anyway, watch out for eyelashes and eyebrow hair falling into your eye. Sounds innocent enough, but if that happens when you’re driving, you could accidentally get blinded and hit someone! That must have been why the person in the Nissan almost hit me! (No.-ed.)
Libra: I went camping recently! Now the reason I tell you that, Libra, is because I see some interesting adventures in your life if you go camping soon. One involves levitation so ummm just go.
Scorpio: Hello Scorp! I saw you snoozing during one of those evening three-hour classes the other night. Wake up! LOL!
Sagittarius: Red is good, blue is bad; 2 is good, 4 is bad. Hey, that was easy!
Capricorn: Listen, this is getting tough. I’m behind schedule and my teacher for my English 160 class totes says I need to stop falling asleep in class (what am I, Scorpio? LOL!). Can you just make up your own fortune this time please and thanks?
Aquarius: So… last time around I told you about the annual Aquarius get-together. Is there some reason I was THE ONLY ONE sitting out there in the field that day? Didn’t you get the memo in your mind? Or am I the only one who gets those LOL. Well, let’s do it again! Keep your mind peeled for the memo!
Pisces: Dead last! Every time!