Sunday, December 17, 2017

As I Was Saying: Those desperate for love need to set boundaries

October 29, 2014 by Megan Dunn, Camosun College Women's Centre

Having jumped out of an 11-year relationship just over a year ago, the idea of starting a new relationship scared the hell out of me. But I put myself out there, only to realize months later that I was being led on.

The pursuit begins, butterflies and excitement start to consume you, you start spending more time together regularly, you give and show love, and there is more interaction.

As I Was Saying is the Camosun College Women’s Centre column (photo by Megan Dunn).

You haven’t had the “defining the relationship” chat, but you still spend more time together, you feel a vibe, and then, when you finally have the courage to speak up and ask where this is heading, you are told they aren’t ready for a relationship, which really means they don’t want a relationship with you. You feel duped, led on, and hurt, and you’ve wasted your time.

If you identify with this and are like me, you usually give up control and will repeatedly give to an emotionally unavailable person. To prevent this from ever happening again, it’s time to take the power back.

One can only be led on if one allows themselves to follow. It’s important to learn to stop giving until you get something back, set up boundaries, and have that dreaded “defining the relationship” chat, even if you fear rejection.

As adults, we have the freedom to make our own decisions, mature, and collect wisdom. We are the leader in our day-to-day life, and we need to apply that to our romantic lives and learn not to conform to what the other person wants just because there is an attraction. Or, I hate to say it, just because we are desperate for love.

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