Friday, December 15, 2017

Dearest Reader: A proposal: Camosun College must build a wall

March 1, 2017 by Aaron Stefik, contributing writer

Dearest reader,

There can be little of greater importance in the midst of our contemporary global turmoil than solidarity exhibited between the brother nations of the Western world and of all those grand old countries whose souls remain pure and committed to the spirit of Christendom.

The purpose of our own Canadian nation, it follows, has always been a general solidarity with and affirmation of the actions of our esteemed southern neighbour. This being the first fundament of our nature, it is dejecting to conceive that we have failed to take in stride the rising star of that great nation’s new head of state.

Dearest Reader is a satire column appearing in every issue of Nexus.

But fear not, dearest reader, for the means remain by which we might assuage our disunity and again embrace the policies and ethos of the leaders of the free world, in whose steps we have constantly trod.

It being the burden of the youthful generation to carry this torch, there can be little better place to begin the venture than our own Camosun College.

In the first place, we must create a monument of support upon the campus, whose purpose is both practical and symbolic. By leveraging the funds of student tuition for the cost of labour, and the many returned second-hand textbooks which currently sit disused in our bookshop as material, we shall construct a great wall along the border of the Lansdowne campus to hold back the unwashed tide of illegal foreign exchange students that plague us daily.

Secondly, we must do away with this nonsense of the college’s burgeoning new sexual harassment policy. The number of harassment accusations levied against the leader of the free world being considered, it is at once clear that these acts have once again come into vogue, and it would be terribly small of the college to make any attempt in stemming the inevitable progress that comes with any such weighty shifting of the social order.

The divisions between ourselves and the people of the great American nation whom we have scrambled to emulate since time immemorial beg to be healed, and in lieu of any sufficient governmental display of cohesion with our greatest ally, it falls inevitably to the citizen to generate a suitable response.

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