Dearest Reader,
As the discerning newspaper connoisseur is doubtless aware, Camosun College finds itself in the midst of the stage of implementation of its new sexual harassment policy wherein the enlightened public is entreated to provide its counsel.
Given that I have only recently heard Camosun students offering in all seriousness the suggestions that male students should be made to leave the campus prior to nightfall, and that they should likewise be prevented from convening in groups larger than three, I deem it prudent to offer here with boundless humility my own submission for addendum to this document. My conceptions, be it assured, will be in keeping with the style of such well-reasoned ideas as those I have above cited.
Even-hearted while its intentions to protect they of the female sex may be, the policy clearly has yet to blossom into a program of social safeguard with which they may truly be contented. I propose, then, the subsidiary addition that all campus womenfolk be provided with classrooms of their own, unfettered by the endangerment of the male presence. To assuage any concern of contact with such a deadly and Janus-faced creature as is the white heterosexual male, all women must be provided in like fashion an armed escort between classes, the common study and eating areas, and all other spaces as they are wont to inhabit throughout their course.
The need for such action is evidently well-grasped in the female community, for the understanding is that their male counterparts are an untrustworthy lot, and, being as it is a task beyond consideration to discern who among them is worthy not to fear by merit alone, it is altogether better that the bastions of the male gaze be withheld in uniform fashion. Should the program prove favourable, such armed protectors might be further commissioned to accompany female students on their way home from each campus daily.
The term “safe space” having reached now the zenith of its laudation, I can only conclude that such honourable action as to provide each woman with a realm of her own, both within the classroom and without, in which to stand against the bulwark of the rampaging masculine hordes will be met with like admiration.