Thursday, February 22, 2018

Dearest Reader: A proposal: Camosun must offer job to displaced premier

July 11, 2017 by Aaron Stefik, contributing writer

Dearest reader,

If events in our fair province following the recently passed provincial election might be proportionately and appropriately characterized as a storm, then the BC Liberal government should be thought of as a beached whale, aging and badly suited for the waters in which it swam, now found deflating on the shoreline in a morass of melting fat and fermenting flesh.

And as we, the lice and maggots attendant on this corpse, gather to make well of the remains, let us spare a thought for this whale’s hapless master, her future former premier Christy Clark.

Dearest Reader is a satire column appearing in every issue of Nexus.

Her place within the political arena now in question, my plea goes to any and all to take pity on a fellow local, regardless of any differences of ideology, and to offer Ms. Clark a secure place of employment befitting her abilities at our own Camosun College.

I can easily envisage the premier as our next college president, on the notion that she would offer a level of honesty and reliability at least comparable to former Camosun president Kathryn Laurin. If, however, our current president, Sherri Bell, takes this suggestion as an affront to her own position, we might instead offer Ms. Clark a newly reformed position as head of campus security, owing to her copious experience in frisking BC students.

If this too is found less than agreeable, a more middling position within the faculty as a professor of political science might conceivably be offered. Both majors in the subject and otherwise would leap at the chance to learn the arts of parliament from such a figure, whose decisions therein, particularly regarding college funding, have until now been regarded as mystifying and impermeable to the ablest of our students.

Should this pilot program of employment for former politicians be well received by all, I may be so bold, though days are yet early, to propose that the offer be expanded to all who have worked in the provincial legislature, and who may eventually find its ever-changing waters wont to capsize their careers. Take, for example, the recently cheery John Horgan and Andrew Weaver, whose future cooperation is sure to guide the province decisively for the ensuing four years.

If not, I am told our custodial staff is wanting.

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