Proud aunty brag: my sister recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who has completely stolen my heart. He’s an absolute doll—so calm, sweet, and (while I may be slightly biased) quite possibly the most adorable little crotch goblin I’ve ever seen. Needless to say, I am smitten.
I am also aware. While I cannot comment on whether or not he is cis, I can say that he is (at least biologically) a white male. Born in Oak Bay, he is statistically privileged. While no one can say for certain what the future holds, he will have several opportunities available to him because of his upbringing.
That being said, he is also a perfect clean slate, a next-generation opportunity waiting to be moulded by the examples set for him and the life lessons he learns by conversations the adults in his life have with him: “It’s okay to cry.” “Boys can wear nail polish.” “If a girl says she doesn’t want to hug you, then you need to respect that.”
While I have said countless times to the men in my life that the rules have changed and they just have to get used to it, I never really considered what it would look like to teach these rules to someone for the first time.
If I was handed a baby girl and told to teach her to be a strong, independent woman, I’d be like, “I got this.” But looking at this tiny little man, I struggle with the responsibility I have as his (hopefully cool) aunty to give him tools to respect the women he will meet in his lifetime.
While I was out for dinner with my boyfriend and a (male) buddy of ours recently, we got onto the topic of feminism and equality. They asked me what I as a feminist want—and I’m ashamed to admit it wasn’t something I could easily articulate. Yes, obviously, equality, but how do you tackle such a large topic? It’s overwhelming. And the idea of teaching it to a little boy from the ground up is daunting, to say the least.
My nephew will learn how to respect women, in part by how he sees me interact with men.
I have a responsibly—one that I don’t take lightly—but for the first time since I became “woke” I have empathy for the men trying to navigate a world in which the rules have changed, because instead of reacting to these rules, I now have to put my money where my mouth is and teach them.