Thursday, July 18, 2019

April 1 exclusive: Camosun College strategizes on developing policy-development strategy

April 1, 2019 by Craig Splatt, editor-in-chief

Camosun College has announced in a recent press release that they will begin strategizing on developing a policy-development strategy. A spokesperson for the college declined to be interviewed, offering up the following email statement.

“You don’t do email interviews? You want a chance to question sources about what they say? What kind of newspaper is this? Anyway, yes, we have begun our strategizing on developing a policy-development strategy. Contact Sloan Tates for more information.”

Nexus contacted Tates, who forwarded our request along to two other departments before someone who is on their first day on the job responded to our interview request.

“What is this, the college newsletter?” says Camosun director of student survival theories Erick Erickson. “Great! Can I see this before it runs? Anyway, yes, we are strategizing on developing a policy-development strategy currently. The idea is to strategize—not conceptualize—our developments, in order to develop our policy-development strategies. It’s come to our attention that we need to spend more—much, much more—time on working on abstract concepts in order to come up with more signposts… or pillars, if you will… of strategies. Or, policies. I mean, policy-development strategies. It’s a huge team working on it, I’d rather not say anything else, but you should talk to my colleague Ryan Peterson.”

Hey, it’s April 1! (File photo.)

Peterson did not respond for a request for an interview. The April 1, 2019 Camosun board of governors meeting minutes contains a 41-page attachment about the new strategy, which consists of 262 pie graphs, none of which are labelled.

“Oh, the pie graphs,” says Erickson. “Incredible step forward for the institution there. Ask Buddy McPherson over in the president’s office about those. Incredible.”

McPherson did not respond for a request for an interview.

The college will implement stage one of the strategy on April 1, stage two on April 1 next year, and the next six stages on April 1 of every following year. The end result will be, according to the press release, “what the college has been working toward for years: complete conceptualization of concept, absolute development of strategy, peak theorization of theory. Absolution of all. Total understanding.”

When asked for further clarification on this statement, no one responded to interview requests.

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