{"id":12398,"date":"2016-09-07T09:00:55","date_gmt":"2016-09-07T16:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=12398"},"modified":"2016-09-12T09:08:27","modified_gmt":"2016-09-12T16:08:27","slug":"dark-days-at-camosun-college-students-dealing-with-depression-speak-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2016\/09\/07\/dark-days-at-camosun-college-students-dealing-with-depression-speak-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Dark days at Camosun College: Students dealing with depression speak out"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s a hot summer day at Camosun College\u2019s Lansdowne campus. I\u2019m walking beneath the bridge that connects the Fisher and Ewing buildings, my footsteps echoing amid the summer silence that fills the air. When autumn comes, the bookstore line-up will be visible from across the parking lot; for now, the campus is tranquil. But campuses aren\u2019t always tranquil, and neither are the minds of the students who are attending Camosun.<\/p>\n

A faint aroma of iced chai tea floats into the air from my cup as I step off campus. I refill it when I arrive at my destination: a pleasant, air-conditioned downtown coffee shop, where former Camosun Community, Family and Child Studies student Bronwyn Balderson has agreed to meet me.<\/p>\n

When she approaches, she smiles. We chat, and, eventually, inevitably, the conversation slides into commonality: student life at Camosun. For Balderson, it was plagued by depression and anxiety; nagging thoughts of self-harm and suicide; a constant sense of darkness and doom.<\/p>\n

A typical day for Balderson was dark and often overridden with anxiety. And that\u2019s assuming she was able to get her day started. Now, Balderson wants people to understand that depression among college students is no different from having a serious physical illness. She says it is important to be compassionate with herself and others; to understand that sometimes it is okay to not be okay. But some days while she was at Camosun, she just couldn\u2019t get to class.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf I was really down, then I wouldn\u2019t want to get out of bed,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

NUMBING THE PAIN<\/strong><\/p>\n

Balderson says that although she has learnt numerous skills through therapy and trial and error, as well as through taking medication, sometimes her mental health still bogs her down and forces a fight to get back up, as it did the day before we met.<\/p>\n

\u201cYesterday I had a really rough day,\u201d she admits. \u201cI was super anxious for no reason. But today I\u2019m good. Yesterday wasn\u2019t good. You kind of have to just remember that every day might be different, which isn\u2019t always easy. Or it might be different every few days or few weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

As we\u2019re talking, I notice the words \u201cso lucky, so strong, so proud\u201d in dark cursive on her left arm, which Balderson says is a reminder to herself to not self-harm.<\/p>\n

\"(Photo<\/a>
(Photo by Jill Westby\/Nexus<\/em>.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cIt was mostly just cutting. That was more of a way to deal with my anxiety when I didn\u2019t really know what anxiety was,\u201d says Balderson, who has been in recovery from self-harm for over a year. \u201cI was pretty young when I started. I attended groups through my counsellor that I got involved with, but it was mostly just cutting. And it was like an addiction for me. Even if I wanted to, I felt like I couldn\u2019t stop. And I made a deal with myself when I was 17 that if I went a year without self-harming, I would get a tattoo,\u201d Balderson says.<\/p>\n

After a while of cutting to make sense of anxiety, Balderson says she wouldn\u2019t even really feel herself doing it.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was just like a visual, \u2018oh, look, I\u2019m not okay\u2019\u2014because in my mind, I was all over the place,\u201d she says. \u201cIt went on for quite a long time before I was able to stop.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balderson says that having counsellors and other professionals to help her validate and cope with her feelings was invaluable. Just hearing that cutting was an addiction for some people rather than a weakness was a factor in cultivating the acceptance she needed to learn how to better deal with her struggles, says Balderson. But getting to that point didn\u2019t happen overnight.<\/p>\n

NOWHERE TO GO<\/strong><\/p>\n

Balderson was hospitalized for two summers, but the first time, she says she didn\u2019t treat her mental health with the focus and diligence it deserved or required.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe second time I kind of just took it more seriously,\u201d she says. \u201cI was like, \u2018Yeah, I want to feel better. I don\u2019t always want to not know how I\u2019m going to be feeling or how to deal with it.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Balderson says that going to emergency was a last resort for her that she used in hopes that someone might be able to help her; it was also for her own safety. But trips to emergency don\u2019t always play out as hoped.<\/p>\n

\u201cA lot of the time you\u2019ll be there in emergency for a long time, and then you might go over to Eric Martin [Pavillion] and sleep in a chair for a night,\u201d says Balderson, adding that that happened to her.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere wasn\u2019t enough rooms,\u201d she says with a bit of a laugh. \u201cGoing in the hospital was always like a last-ditch, \u2018okay, I guess I\u2019ll try and get some help now, but I don\u2019t even want to be here.\u2019 I wanted to die.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balderson says that it was so hard to see a psychiatrist without going to the hospital that there were times when people she knew would go to the hospital just to get assessed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s really shitty that that\u2019s the way it is right now,\u201d she says. \u201cThere just should be more services involved. I know that Justin Trudeau, for Mental Health Week, said he\u2019s really going to try harder for more mental-health services, because there\u2019s just not enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balderson says there is nothing more scary and heartbreaking than \u201cbeing down and feeling out of control\u201d and knowing the resources aren\u2019t there. But even if they are, the trouble with being really low and depressed, she says, is that you stop caring enough to fight it. Even through her lowest times, hearing the words \u201care you okay?\u201d sometimes went a long way.<\/p>\n

\"(Photo<\/a>
(Photo by Jill Westby\/Nexus<\/em>.)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cJust go easy on people,\u201d she says. \u201cYou never really know people\u2019s story. A lot of people don\u2019t talk about mental illness even if they have it because they\u2019re ashamed or whatever, or the stigma is still a super big deal. I would just say everybody\u2019s different. Go easy on them. You might think they\u2019re just blowing you off, but they could be struggling with other things. Lend a helping hand. Ask them if they are okay, rather than getting mad.\u201d<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s an ongoing struggle: Balderson acknowledges that some aspects of our conversation\u2014even though time has gone by and she has stabilized enough to fight it\u2014are still a little bit triggering.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere was definitely a few times where I was suicidal,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd one time that I was really contemplating it, which is why I was in the hospital.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balderson has come a long way since those days, but not without a lot of help and hard work. Today, she talks about suicide in an honest and frank fashion.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople would say it\u2019s such a selfish thing to do,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd it\u2019s not like I wouldn\u2019t feel bad even thinking about it. You want to care about what would happen if you weren\u2019t around, but you just don\u2019t in those really low moods. You\u2019re just so consumed by this low feeling that you don\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balderson says that while she attended Camosun, she sought help elsewhere, but she says she has many friends who found solace in the Camosun counselling department.<\/p>\n

ON-CAMPUS HELP<\/strong><\/p>\n

Over in the counselling department at Camosun\u2019s Lansdowne campus, counsellor Chris Balmer says that rates of documented cases of depression and anxiety are rising. Balmer says that stimuli are increasing as a result of modernization, which, for psychologically fragile individuals, can sometimes be too much.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s more difficult to manage multiple stimuli for people whose resiliency is not strong,\u201d says Balmer, \u201cand the expectation to manage more and more things has steadily grown. I think that we haven\u2019t really addressed the need to learn how to manage and multitask all of those bits of information and challenges.\u201d<\/p>\n

Camosun College Student Society (CCSS) external executive Rachael Grant says that the CCSS feels that depression and anxiety at Camosun is a big issue. The catch, according to Grant, is that students deal with many stressors that the rest of the community doesn\u2019t necessarily have to, such as loans and tuition.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you bring in all the factors that students have to navigate, it definitely can compound mental-health issues,\u201d says Grant, who adds that the cost of living combined with paying tuition or loans \u201cwill impact your mental health in a very negative way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balmer says that numerous resources are available in Victoria, both on campus and off. He says that here on campus, Camosun offers ways to help students deal with their struggles.<\/p>\n

\u201cOn an individual counselling basis, we provide education and strategies to organize, to be able to emotionally regulate oneself, to become more aware of what\u2019s going on,\u201d he says, \u201cand how to cope with emotional reactions to things and still make informed choices, and just understand how to be a good manager of your own life and lifestyle.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balmer says that the real catch is gaining the skills, support, and self-understanding to recognize when you might not be able to make those informed choices alone. Dealing with someone who has mental-health challenges is never easy, but neither is being the one with the disharmony and pain, says Balmer.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe open, non-judgmental, more flexible, and compassionate in realizing that many students are dealing with multiple challenges,\u201d he says. He adds that the role of other students and faculty can be essential in helping a student who is having a difficult time.<\/p>\n

\u201cFellow students and employees really can open their awareness and heighten their understanding of signs and symptoms of distress in students, and be interested and learn simple ways of having helpful conversations and providing support in other ways.\u201d<\/p>\n

Grant says that if anyone were interested in starting a group around mental health, the Camosun student society would be happy to help get it started.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re looking at having a club that\u2019s focused on mental illness,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s something that we\u2019re looking at developing more services around. There is definitely the need.\u201d<\/p>\n

NOT JUST A STUDENT ISSUE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Camosun nursing instructor Allison McLeod\u2014who said in our August 10, 2016 issue that mental health has always been integrated into her lessons in the Nursing program\u2014says she has genetic predispositions to a group of illnesses known as \u201cleaky brakes,\u201d of which anxiety can be a part. McLeod went through most of her adult life without a diagnosis, and she says that when she was diagnosed a couple of years ago it was \u201cvery validating.\u201d For her, the diagnosis was ADHD, but she says that mental health \u201cdoes not come in nice, neat little packages,\u201d which is where the anxiety and a plethora of other overwhelming emotions can come crashing in.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have difficulty focusing on a conversation if it\u2019s a busy, crowded, noisy room,\u201d says McLeod, \u201cwhich makes me anxious, so it\u2019s hard to worry about whether I just understood or listened well enough to the person that\u2019s talking to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

McLeod says that the anxiety is very physical for her and will often make her stomach hurt.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just really need to isolate myself sometimes, and it\u2019s hard to explain that to people. I need to explain that to them so they know it\u2019s not about them. I\u2019m not trying to be rude. I just really need\u2014at some point\u2014to be able to be on my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

But McLeod says it doesn\u2019t surprise her that she reacts in a physical way to what is going on in her head. Often, she says, her stomach will display intense pain at the end of the day.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe gut relies on the same neurochemicals our brain relies on. I think I\u2019m often complaining that my stomach hurts, and I think it\u2019s totally related to what\u2019s going on in my mind,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

A LIFELONG JOURNEY<\/strong><\/p>\n

Former Camosun Psychology student Kylie Ransome has chosen to pursue her passion by working as a care aide for Island Health. She specializes in helping patients with dementia and mood disorders, and she says that one of the keys for her in talking someone back down to rational thinking is asking herself what they are missing. Ransome says \u201cevery behaviour is a communication,\u201d an idea that she says is essential in helping others and herself.<\/p>\n

Ransome stresses the importance of \u201cgiving people the time and space to express their needs, and respecting those needs, so if someone\u2019s saying, \u2018No, I can\u2019t go out today,\u2019 don\u2019t look at it as a slight, don\u2019t take it personally,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

She says it\u2019s also important to separate the state of someone\u2019s mental health from the state of their relationships with others.<\/p>\n

\u201cA lot of spouses of people living with mental illness take things quite personally,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Ransome has also struggled with anxiety; she\u2019s made a recovery but says mindfulness and physical exercise are essential.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think a lot of people have trouble understanding that, for someone living with anxiety or depression, our reality is different. We can\u2019t just look at something and say, \u2018Oh, it\u2019s okay,\u2019\u201d she says, \u201cbecause every neurochemical response in our body is saying it\u2019s not okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ransome\u2014who has completed dialectical behavioural therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy courses\u2014says that the part of the brain that registers physical pain also lights up when a person experiences emotional pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you get hurt\u2014say you break an arm\u2014this whole axis of your brain lights up and starts this big feedback that says, \u2018Hey, you\u2019re in pain. Retreat; deal with this.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Ransome says that the same part of the brain lights up when people are experiencing social or psychological pain.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe brain literally thinks you have broken an arm,\u201d she says. \u201cPeople are very stuck in \u2018oh, you just need to get over it.\u2019 Well, you can\u2019t. You have to rewire your brain first.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ransome says that with a combined approach of medication and intense therapy, that rewiring can be done.<\/p>\n

\u201cI spent many years with a combined approach: antidepressants and cognitive behavioural therapy and dialectical behavioural therapy,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd it helped. The combined approach worked.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, Ransome conducts workshops around mental health.<\/p>\n

\u201cRather than looking at thoughts and saying, \u2018Are these thoughts rational? Is this actually reality, or is this a negative thought pattern?\u2019 I\u2019m looking more at, \u2018Is this what I want for myself? Is this the kind of approach I can take to my thinking?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Ransome says that it\u2019s vital to take care of herself before she goes to work and takes care of others.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you work with vulnerable people, it\u2019s a lot of giving,\u201d she says. \u201cYou have to give a lot, and you\u2019ve got to be very patient and very compassionate; otherwise, you\u2019re doing a disservice to the person.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ransome says that looking at mental health from a recovery-based point of view is one of the best ways to ensure that those affected get treated properly in all aspects of their lives.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s becoming more and more clear that the brain is an extremely plastic organ,\u201d she says. \u201cYes, there are some neurochemical diseases that are going to be a little more prevalent in someone\u2019s life, but for the most part, people can learn to cope with and overcome mental illness.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ransome likens the struggle to diabetes, which is \u201cjust one organ acting up, the same as mental illness.\u201d She says that after years and years of therapy combined with medication, her mental health is \u201cnot a daily hindrance,\u201d but rather something that requires awareness, and is something that she sometimes needs to compensate for.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re getting into a difficult situation, be aware that it could be a trigger; it could be something that could push you back into a depressive low,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Although medication did have its time and place for Ransome, she says that she had to stop taking it when she became a student, because the side effects had a debilitating effect on her working memory.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe side effects started outweighing the benefits,\u201d she says. \u201cI decided I wanted to go back to school, and, unfortunately, a lot of SSRI [selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors]s create a bit of a memory fog. So when I first tried to go back to school\u2026 You can\u2019t do school without a working short-term memory. It did not go well.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ransome weighed her long-term goals against these effects on her short-term memory and realized that she needed to be able to perform. Now, she relies on naturally produced brain chemicals.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnother big thing that helps is just making exercise a focus of my life,\u201d she says, \u201cgetting that natural endorphin process going to keep everything balanced.\u201d<\/p>\n

The CCSS\u2019 Grant acknowledges that some side effects of different medications can be rough, and, like Ransome says, it can negatively affect a person\u2019s studies. (The CCSS does cover various medications through its health and dental plan for students.)<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m personally aware that it is a reality of some psychiatric medications,\u201d says Grant.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Balderson says that there is definitely a genetic predisposition at play when it comes to her mental health. She recently returned from spending a semester in Wales, but she says that there wasn\u2019t a huge difference in her mental health there compared to at home. It\u2019s fairly constant for her, but\u2014as Ransome said can be done\u2014Balderson is learning to cope and get through.<\/p>\n

\u201cDepression follows me wherever I go, no matter what was going on. But I got through it, and I\u2019m glad that I went,\u201d she says about her trip to Wales.<\/p>\n

Balderson says that professors at Camosun were more or less understanding when she approached them asking for extensions due to her health.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think a lot of people are scared that if they tell people, they\u2019re going to look at them differently,\u201d she says. \u201cThey were all pretty good about it if I was able to talk to them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Balderson says that if she is having a really rough time, it helps to look at her tattoo, make a phone call, and remind herself that emotions, by their very nature, fluctuate.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust getting it open and telling someone else what I\u2019m feeling really helps a lot,\u201d she says. \u201cIt might help, it might not, but at least then I know I\u2019m not totally alone. Depression is super isolating. It makes you feel like you\u2019re in a little bubble with this dark cloud hanging over you.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s a hot summer day at Camosun College\u2019s Lansdowne campus. I\u2019m walking beneath the bridge that connects the Fisher and Ewing buildings, my footsteps echoing amid the summer silence that fills the air. When autumn comes, the bookstore line-up will be visible from across the parking lot; for now, the campus is tranquil. But campuses […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12399,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,170],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-features","category-september-7-2016"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12398","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12398"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12398\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12424,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12398\/revisions\/12424"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12399"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}