{"id":12604,"date":"2016-10-19T09:00:16","date_gmt":"2016-10-19T16:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=12604"},"modified":"2016-10-17T13:55:53","modified_gmt":"2016-10-17T20:55:53","slug":"feminists-need-to-listen-to-cis-men-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2016\/10\/19\/feminists-need-to-listen-to-cis-men-too\/","title":{"rendered":"Open Space<\/em>: Feminists need to listen to cis men too"},"content":{"rendered":"

I would be perfectly justified if I hated men.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a statement I\u2019ve made many times to cis men, after a conversation where I \u201cout\u201d myself as a feminist and state that feminism is about equality. The gears turn, they get the look, they blurt out that feminism is about hating men. They expect me to lash out, to shove my opinion down their throat, to be unaccepting. They act that way because of our intolerance toward them.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s pretty obvious that people are capable of doing nasty things to each other. Well before I was old enough to defend myself, nasty things were being done to me. That treatment continued until I was approaching 30.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s normal.<\/p>\n

\"This<\/a>
This story originally appeared in our October 19, 2016 issue.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I\u2019ve started conversations with men who have strong female partners, nerdy men who scream abuse at me in video games, men who want to be supportive, men who say they\u2019re feminists but aren\u2019t. The only thing they have in common is that they identify with how they were born, and they have been on the receiving end of hatred and intolerance because of it.<\/p>\n

Then there\u2019s the cis man who is starting to become aware of his privilege. He has no choice; it\u2019s being shoved in his face. He wants to be supportive but hasn\u2019t been conditioned to accept harsh words or criticism. He hasn\u2019t grown up being hated and abused because of his gender. He tries, but he might be ignorant and say the wrong thing. Those angry, fed-up feminists see him as part of the problem and come down on him.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to be supportive when the response is intolerance. He\u2019s tried, and it was clearly unwanted; he gives up. When that happens, he is failing all of the women in his life. He is unwilling to speak up in support of them. Maybe he doesn\u2019t see the treatment as okay, but his ego won\u2019t allow him to care.<\/p>\n

He becomes part of the problem because of this intolerance.<\/p>\n

Behind every conversation has been frustration. Men want to be supportive and are treated like they are unaware of their privilege. Some are. In the case of the cis man, it\u2019s, frequently, dangerous to start talking about privilege.
\nEvery time I start these conversations, I\u2019m sweating, shaking; my heart is beating hard and fast. I don\u2019t hate men; I\u2019m terrified of them. Through that terror, I understand the need to be supportive to get support. While the number of men standing up for women increases, it is still far too low.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not saying that feelings of anger or fear\u2014even hate\u2014aren\u2019t justified. They are; feelings are a basic human right. What is not justifiable is using those feelings to hurt another person, and that includes the cis man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I would be perfectly justified if I hated men. It\u2019s a statement I\u2019ve made many times to cis men, after a conversation where I \u201cout\u201d myself as a feminist and state that feminism is about equality. The gears turn, they get the look, they blurt out that feminism is about hating men. They expect me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12603,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,173],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-views","category-october-19-2016"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12604","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12604"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12604\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12607,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12604\/revisions\/12607"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12603"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}