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<\/a>\u201cBy fear, I mean the expectation that you need to be able to sell the show,\u201d she says. \u201cYou want there to be some narrative and sometimes that can restrict what you\u2019re actually able to show on stage.\u201d<\/p>\n
Not restricting what is shown on stage allows Sonik-Henderson to be honest about what she shows in performance, but she says that she doesn\u2019t want any of her dancers to have to deal with the physical symptoms of anxiety.<\/p>\n
\u201cI really had to kind of trust that process and not be scared by, \u2018Oh, I don\u2019t know where this is going,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s like, \u2018It\u2019ll find its way; it\u2019ll find its way.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
For Sonik-Henderson, dancing\u2014whether she is doing it herself or is directing others\u2014is about a relationship between the body and the mind; if the mind is in a challenging place, the body will get there, too.<\/p>\n
\u201cI suffered with a little bit of anxiety and that kind of developed into, \u2018Well, why? Why do you feel anxious?\u2019 And then that\u2019s where the fear came in: \u2018Well, you\u2019re fearful and that\u2019s why you\u2019re anxious,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cEven if you don\u2019t have anything necessarily to be fearful of, I find that I would create situations because I\u2019m so used to living in that bubble of anxiety; I\u2019d create these situations that cause anxiety even if there wasn\u2019t one, and that was a little bit of a self-sabotage.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sonik-Henderson says that as she was developing the show she realized that some self-sabotage is a way of the conscious self saying the person struggling doesn\u2019t deserve what they have. She came up with the idea of using a hedgehog to symbolize self-sabotage in the show.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was able to sit down and have a conversation with this kind of pincushion,\u201d she says. \u201cYou put things up; you kind of get very defensive.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sonik-Henderson says a big reason she created the show was to acknowledge how common anxiety really is.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe do have many selves,\u201d she says. \u201cYou can be suffering with this voice and you can go out and people can describe you as, \u2018Oh, you\u2019re very confident,\u2019 and inside you\u2019re like, \u2018I\u2019m not at all,\u2019 and I think that heightens the anxiety,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
Sonik-Henderson says that the central message in the show is \u201cbe yourself, live your life, lead with your heart, you\u2019re not alone.\u201d She says that message helped her.<\/p>\n
\u201c[It\u2019s] hopefully just a little glimpse into, \u2018We hear you. Everyone hears you,\u2019\u201d she says. \u201cAnd it\u2019s important.\u201d<\/p>\n