{"id":16453,"date":"2018-09-26T09:00:26","date_gmt":"2018-09-26T16:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=16453"},"modified":"2018-10-09T22:51:54","modified_gmt":"2018-10-10T05:51:54","slug":"lets-talk-consent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2018\/09\/26\/lets-talk-consent\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s Talk?<\/em>: #consent"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recently I saw a post on Facebook about how asking for consent ruins the moment. And I mean, yeah, if your partner pulls away when things are getting hot and heavy and stone-faced asks, \u201cDo you consent to engaging in coitus with me at the present moment?\u201d it might\u2026 although I reserve the right to try this and get back to you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the thing: there\u2019s this great entity called language, and we can use it to communicate our needs and desires to our sexual partners.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Let’s Talk?<\/em> is a column exploring women’s rights issues; it’s in every issue of Nexus<\/em>.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Blogger Bimbo Toys for Pretty Boys wrote a brilliant Tumblr post about how asking for consent simply requires a little imagination. Highlights from their post include: \u201cPurring \u2018do you want it?\u2019 into your partner\u2019s ear before you fuck is hot\u2026 Looking into your partner\u2019s eyes and asking \u2018may I?\u2019 in a voice breathy with desire before you kiss them is super hot\u2026 And \u2018Do you want me to pin you up against this wall and fuck you till you\u2019re screaming my name?\u2019 is just basically dirty talk.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(Katy\u2019s disclaimer: without establishing prior consent to dirty talk, this last one might get you in trouble. You might want to start with, \u201cDo you consent to engaging in dirty talk with me?\u201d before proceeding.)<\/p>\n

The point is this: sexual consent doesn\u2019t have to ruin the moment. Also, if we\u2019re mature enough to engage in coitus, should we not be mature enough to say, \u201cDo you want to?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I would also like to point out that even if someone has agreed to sexual relations in the past, it doesn\u2019t mean they consent this time. Maybe they\u2019re sick, or they ate too much pasta and their tummy feels bloated; maybe they\u2019re freaked out that your cat likes to watch, or maybe they\u2019re simply not in the mood.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And while it might be a bummer to have your partner say \u201cno\u201d when your body\u2019s entire volume of blood has taken up residence in your crotch, it\u2019s also super important to note that ignoring the vital step of asking for consent could lead to #metoo.<\/p>\n

And if that\u2019s not a mood killer, I don\u2019t know what is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently I saw a post on Facebook about how asking for consent ruins the moment. And I mean, yeah, if your partner pulls away when things are getting hot and heavy and stone-faced asks, \u201cDo you consent to engaging in coitus with me at the present moment?\u201d it might\u2026 although I reserve the right to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":15677,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,219],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-september-26-2018"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16453","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16453"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16453\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16454,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16453\/revisions\/16454"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15677"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16453"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16453"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16453"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}