{"id":18247,"date":"2019-09-25T09:00:36","date_gmt":"2019-09-25T16:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=18247"},"modified":"2019-09-25T06:34:28","modified_gmt":"2019-09-25T13:34:28","slug":"hold-my-beer-i-lost-my-keys-how-to-clean-your-apartment-student-style","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2019\/09\/25\/hold-my-beer-i-lost-my-keys-how-to-clean-your-apartment-student-style\/","title":{"rendered":"Hold My Beer, I Lost My Keys<\/em>: How to clean your apartment, student style"},"content":{"rendered":"

Among the list of to-dos in a young adult\u2019s life, the most mundane task has to be cleaning their grotesque apartment.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re anything like me, this chore always seems to sneak up on your way out the door to \u201990s night at Logan\u2019s or Blackout Sundays at the Rooftop. What if you should bring someone home to see that compendium of your terrible habits? You can\u2019t have that!<\/p>\n

However, time is of the essence, and the thought of cleaning is sucking your will to stand out front of the Sticky Wicket for six hours. Luckily, there\u2019s a way to excite and expedite the process! The key is to take calculated, reasonable shortcuts.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Hold My Beer, I Lost My Keys<\/em> is a column dealing with issues around growing up (photo provided).<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Start in the kitchen to tackle that Jenga tower of dirty dishes. Wash the cleanest ones first\u2014this will ensure the water remains as clean as possible throughout the process, maximizing the soap\u2019s window of efficiency. Then start washing really bad dishes, the ones you\u2019ve left a week\u2014or month\u2014too long. What about that plate with the dried-up sriracha on it? You\u2019ve left it too long and now it\u2019s as dense as a diamond with a bonding strength so strong Phil Swift could make an infomercial with it.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what you\u2019re going to do: smash it. That\u2019s right\u2014throw that thing out the sixth-storey window! What do you have to lose? Plates are $1.50 at the dollar store and this way you get to feel like a criminal in the comfort of your own home! Escape rooms are $40 an hour, and they don\u2019t give you the level of adrenaline you\u2019ll get from breaking your fine china.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then, of course, you have to sweep. Try pushing your cat up and down the hallway. He\u2019ll thank you for playing, and you\u2019ll thank him for having the angelic fur of a Swiffer Sweeper Vac.<\/p>\n

Go ahead and use your standard broom for those hard-to-reach places Mittens can\u2019t seem to reach. Then sweep it all under the living room rug. What\u2019s the harm? You know good goddamn well that rug hasn\u2019t moved since you moved in and your roommates would be hard-pressed to find your handiwork there.<\/p>\n

Need to do laundry? No problem. Just wear your pants and T-shirt inside out and call it a fashion decision. Dare to be different, ya weirdo.<\/p>\n

Or, you know what? Maybe just stay in tonight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Among the list of to-dos in a young adult\u2019s life, the most mundane task has to be cleaning their grotesque apartment. If you\u2019re anything like me, this chore always seems to sneak up on your way out the door to \u201990s night at Logan\u2019s or Blackout Sundays at the Rooftop. What if you should bring […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18042,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,240],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-september-25-2019"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18247"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18267,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18247\/revisions\/18267"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18042"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}