{"id":18437,"date":"2019-10-23T09:00:40","date_gmt":"2019-10-23T16:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=18437"},"modified":"2019-10-18T14:43:36","modified_gmt":"2019-10-18T21:43:36","slug":"hold-my-beer-i-lost-my-keys-tushy-tinder-tips","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2019\/10\/23\/hold-my-beer-i-lost-my-keys-tushy-tinder-tips\/","title":{"rendered":"Hold My Beer, I Lost My Keys<\/em>: Tushy Tinder tips"},"content":{"rendered":"

When it comes to dating, I\u2019ve always been given advice such as \u201cBe yourself,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t be weird,\u201d and \u201cAbsolutely do NOT talk about eating someone\u2019s ass.\u201d Believe it or not, this is actually terrible advice when it comes to Tinder. Changing my bio to \u201cLet me lick your bum\u201d was the greatest revelation in my dating life since I started wearing deodorant!<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, I can only speak to the experience of a male on Tinder\u2026 Well, also, to the experience of a pink furby and Chicken McNuggets. But neither of those read, so it\u2019s not really applicable here. So, let\u2019s start with pictures!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Hold My Beer, I Lost My Keys<\/em> is a column dealing with issues around growing up (photo provided).<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

First of all, right off the hop, you\u2019re going to want to put your best foot forward, just your best vanilla picture that doesn\u2019t make you look like a psychopath. In the business, we call this \u201cthe hook,\u201d something that\u2019s going to want to make the recipient probe the right side of their screen to creep the rest of your pictures. Follow that photo of you rock climbing in Washington up with a group photo in a suave bar, then a picture of you in a dirty hotdog costume from that Halloween you\u2019ll never remember because six shots of Drambuie surgically severed those memories. You should never take yourself too seriously, because, as all of us know, nothing is sexier than a clown.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Next up is a clever bio. Like I said, the key is to absolutely not take yourself seriously, which gives the illusion of confidence. A blank bio on a dating app screams, \u201cI\u2019m boring and will definitely take you to The Drake on our first date!\u201d Be daring. Take mine, for example: I start with a tasteful \u201cLet me lick your bum\u201d as to abide by the fascination with butt-play in Tinder lore, followed up by a playfully self-deprecating \u201cI have more chest hair than your dad,\u201d because dad bods are in this year, then just three unicorn emojis. Now you should be ready to get to messaging your matches!<\/p>\n

In my experience, a simple \u201cHey\u201d doesn\u2019t inspire a response; it\u2019s a little lacklustre. So swing for the fences\u2014just say the weirdest thing you can think of! \u201cI want you to paint me green and spank me like the disobedient avocado that I am!\u201d or \u201cMan up and peg me already.\u201d<\/p>\n

Amazingly, I\u2019ve found that both of these prompts will get you a first date.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When it comes to dating, I\u2019ve always been given advice such as \u201cBe yourself,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t be weird,\u201d and \u201cAbsolutely do NOT talk about eating someone\u2019s ass.\u201d Believe it or not, this is actually terrible advice when it comes to Tinder. Changing my bio to \u201cLet me lick your bum\u201d was the greatest revelation in my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18042,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,242],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18437","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-october-23-2019"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18437","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18437"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18437\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18438,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18437\/revisions\/18438"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18042"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}