{"id":18560,"date":"2019-11-06T09:00:31","date_gmt":"2019-11-06T17:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=18560"},"modified":"2019-11-04T13:20:42","modified_gmt":"2019-11-04T21:20:42","slug":"hold-my-beer-i-lost-my-keys-how-to-nail-a-great-job","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2019\/11\/06\/hold-my-beer-i-lost-my-keys-how-to-nail-a-great-job\/","title":{"rendered":"Hold My Beer, I Lost My Keys<\/em>: How to nail a great job"},"content":{"rendered":"

How does anybody get an honest, good-paying job anymore? I\u2019m not talking about taking split shifts at Taco Bell to keep the lights on\u2014I\u2019m talking about a career that sustains a good quality of life. A pay grade that allows you to raise a family, put food on the table, and afford that bitchin\u2019 Ms. Pac-Man machine for the living room. You know, everything God intended.<\/p>\n

It seems like our generation will never have the privilege of owning a house or accumulating a pension and that we\u2019re cursed to wait tables on a corporate, devil-may-care generation that cannibalizes the economy, environment, and Greta Thunberg. But I\u2019m here to tell you that living a life with shopping at Whole Foods or seeing the dentist is not a pipe dream!<\/p>\n

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Hold My Beer, I Lost My Keys<\/em> is a column dealing with issues around growing up (photo provided).<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The first thing you need to do is get your resume in order. There\u2019s a special trick to creating the perfect resume: you need to lie about absolutely everything! Google offices will never find out the truth if all your references have disconnected phone numbers. Besides, it\u2019s not your fault they don\u2019t pay their phone bills, is it? You certainly don\u2019t, so why should they? Donald Trump\u2019s resume states that he\u2019s a professional rodeo clown; has anyone fact-checked this? No. Act like you know and you can get away with anything. Once you have an ironclad resume, the calls should be rolling in on your friend\u2019s cell phone (you don\u2019t pay your cell bill, remember?) with a multitude of new and exciting career paths to explore. But before you brave the water cooler and TGI Fridays, you need to ace the interview.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When asked what makes the difference between a good interview and a great interview, multimillionaire Kevin O\u2019Leary said, \u201cYour clothes, stupid.\u201d After all, a first impression is a lasting one, so your outfit should show that you\u2019re confident, competent, and a cool customer. Be bold and relentless in your approach. My go-to is wearing nothing but a leopard-print Speedo, cowboy boots, and my lucky tin-foil hat. Do I care that my sparse, wispy chest hair blows in the air-conditioned breeze of the office? Absolutely not. Be comfortable with your own body; your future employer will take note of your self-confidence and fierce initiative for setting fashion trends.<\/p>\n

Good luck out there, and I need a place to stay tonight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How does anybody get an honest, good-paying job anymore? I\u2019m not talking about taking split shifts at Taco Bell to keep the lights on\u2014I\u2019m talking about a career that sustains a good quality of life. A pay grade that allows you to raise a family, put food on the table, and afford that bitchin\u2019 Ms. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18042,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,243],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18560","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-november-6-2019"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18560","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18560"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18560\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18561,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18560\/revisions\/18561"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18042"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18560"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18560"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18560"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}