{"id":18778,"date":"2020-01-06T09:00:31","date_gmt":"2020-01-06T17:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=18778"},"modified":"2020-01-20T09:22:39","modified_gmt":"2020-01-20T17:22:39","slug":"thinking-positive-exploring-how-views-of-sex-have-changed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2020\/01\/06\/thinking-positive-exploring-how-views-of-sex-have-changed\/","title":{"rendered":"Thinking positive: Exploring how views of sex have changed"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sex.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s all I need to say and there\u2019s an immediate reaction. \u201cHell yeah,\u201d say some of you. \u201cOh, no,\u201d say others. Like it or not, sex is a part of biology, which means it\u2019s a part of human life. Its connotations are ever-changing, depending on the social circles we\u2019re in at any given time. Would you want to bring up the topic at a family dinner, in front of your grandmother? Maybe that\u2019s a normal evening for you, or maybe it\u2019s an abhorrent thing to even think, and how dare you, Tiegan, for ever even mentioning that?<\/p>\n

The topic of sex is laced with taboos, bound up in forbidden connotations, straddled and choked out by euphemisms and hushed whispers. (Don\u2019t let me get carried away\u2014I have more of these.)<\/p>\n

Interestingly, as the conversation around sex evolves, the definition of it evolves as well, and we become less fearful of it. Experimenting helps fortify the bonds of a relationship, whether it\u2019s a one-night stand or years of commitment (or just you and yourself), and it might satisfy the previous repression we once had. As of 2019, much of North American society has dipped their toes into trying out new things in the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the living room, or the stairways at Lansdowne) and the conversation is no longer a little secret, nor should it be.<\/p>\n

Trying out new things comes with risk if you don\u2019t learn about it properly. You could be \u201cdoing it\u201d for the first time; you and your friend might be browsing an adult store (just browsing!); maybe you read about this new technique that might spark something new for you and your partner.<\/p>\n

The world of sex is a complex one to explore and there are always new discoveries within it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Where do we start other than the definition of sex? Camosun Philosophy instructor Megan Shelstad\u2014who has taught Philosophy of Sex and Love here at the college\u2014points out that the definitions of sex and relationships aren\u2019t tied to one thing or one person.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf people are older, I do get a lot of nodding about that, but I haven\u2019t had anybody say that they think sex really has to just be sexual intercourse,\u201d says Shelstad. \u201cIt came up in the context of polyamory\u2014this might give us a bit of insight. I did ask at one point, because the author was talking about exclusivity and she was saying, \u2018Well, some people who are critics of polyamory and disagree with it think that romantic love requires exclusivity. It\u2019s a way of treating the other person as special.\u2019 There\u2019s a bunch of other details around it, and, \u2018They chose me for me, and nobody else.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Other kinds of relationships, including polyamory, have always been integrated into the conversation around sex. Shelstad goes on to say that while monogamy is the default, there is still room to talk about and accept polyamory.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Illustration by Tiegan Suddaby\/Nexus<\/em>.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cI asked people, \u2018How many people, just in the way they generally think about stuff, or whether it has to do with their own personal relationships sexually, think that exclusivity has to be a part?\u2019\u201d says Shelstad. \u201cQuite a number, at least half, put up their hands. It\u2019s possible I may have asked it as, \u2018What do you think is a dominant view in society?\u2019 Monogamy is what is more or less celebrated as the romantic, correct way, whether it\u2019s fairy tales or movies. The princess and the prince. I think a number of them think that\u2019s important to them\u2014monogamy, exclusivity. It\u2019s all about the betrayal part.\u201d<\/p>\n

But sex doesn\u2019t begin or end with the physical act. Relationships are integral to human socialization, and the mainstream definition of romantic relationships, and sexual identity, is widening. LGBTQ+ relationships are only now being provided with the celebration and normalization they need. Camosun College Student Society pride director Angela Chou says that the mainstream media has power when it comes to familiarizing cis, straight people with the queer population and queer culture.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere isn\u2019t a whole ton of queer representation. Mostly you have to look for it if you\u2019re watching to see it,\u201d says Chou. \u201cThat can sometimes not make us feel normal, or like it\u2019s okay, especially if you\u2019re growing up in this world with this constant barrage of straight relationships in advertising and the media, like stories and movies… You have to really go looking for the representation of yourself. Being able to see that more would be really good.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Shelstad, when talking about forms of sex that aren\u2019t the heterosexual \u201cpenis meet vagina\u201d types we always hear about, points out that forms of sexual activities need to be safe before being accepted.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not the Pope. People should, of course, keep themselves safe, not just [from] unwanted pregnancies, but STDs, of course,\u201d says Shelstad. \u201cAnd that\u2019s also an indication of respect to their partner or partners.\u201d<\/p>\n

Protection is needed in sexual encounters, and we should understand this by the time we\u2019re in college. Discussions surrounding contraception and consent, ideally, should no longer be necessary. As Shelstad points out, the test of consent lies in trust.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s the sense of betrayal, so if somebody feels like they agreed to something because they were coerced, or whether they didn\u2019t agree to something and then somebody deceived them, that\u2019s betrayal,\u201d says Shelstad. \u201cIt seems more about the emotional content than anything to do with bodies.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Not enjoying sex is nothing to be ashamed of, and there are plenty of reasons for it. Some people need to ease into it; some people need additional products to ensure maximum pleasure; some are asexual, and that\u2019s just fine. While I can\u2019t give you a complete guide\u2014after all, this is a feature article, not a book\u2014you can rest assured that there are professionals who care about your well-being.<\/p>\n

Communication from person to person is also a great way to integrate safe sex education into our daily conversations. When we talk, we are easily tearing down the stigma surrounding infections, new experiences, and alternative methods to sexual enjoyment.<\/p>\n

STIs are a funny kind of uncommon occurrence in that they are actually incredibly common. STIs like herpes are so common that the stigma only silences an individual; it doesn\u2019t prevent them from getting the STI.<\/p>\n

According to the Government of Canada website\u2014where you can find statistics, symptoms, and other information on STIs\u2014outbreaks of genital herpes, or HSV-2, occur because of unprotected sex, and can reoccur through the individual\u2019s menstrual cycle, after surgery, or due to exposure to the sun, medications, illness, and other factors. Of course, while herpes shouldn\u2019t be feared, letting any sexually transmitted infection stay on or in you will lead to threatening complications.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

STIs can be dangerous, there is no doubt about it. But they are preventable, they are treatable, and they need the spotlight. Sexual education in middle school is often built on fear-mongering. \u201cDon\u2019t have sex; you\u2019ll get pregnant,\u201d they say. \u201cLadies, your first time will be horrifically painful.\u201d \u201cIf you have sex you\u2019ll probably, most definitely get a disease that will kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, middle-school education, this is not middle school. This is a newspaper for college students, and while STIs can be alien, painful, and harmful, you can lower your chances of getting them, and you can get them treated.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Infections like herpes aren\u2019t curable, and while \u201cincurable\u201d may seem like a scary word, treating an infection is going to keep you and your partners way safer than hiding it. According to the Canadian AIDS Treatment Information Exchange (CATIE), Canada\u2019s \u201cofficial knowledge broker\u201d for HIV and hepatits C, 19 percent of people aged 35 to 59 have had HSV-2 infections, as have 6 percent of people aged 14 to 34. While British Columbia is currently under a possible syphilis outbreak, under one percent of individuals have it. This isn\u2019t to say that we need to shove our infections under the rug, but we\u2019re not giving our bodies the attention they really deserve. Talk it out with a friend, with a partner, with a professional, and don\u2019t say it in hushed whispers. Announce it, loud and proud, \u201cI have herpes, and I\u2019m going to do something about it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Time is fluid, and so are our values. Are we no longer scared of doing more than making love? Are we ready to venture out into a world of new experiences with ourselves and our partners? Are we accepting ourselves for what we want, and what we enjoy? Are you now going to check out a sex shop because, you know what, it\u2019s a nice day and it\u2019s not illegal and, hey, maybe you\u2019ll find something that\u2019s going to give you what you\u2019ve been missing?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The point is, you\u2019re meant to be comfortable and you deserve to be comfortable. Go ahead, have some fun with your human partner, your mechanical partner, yourself\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter. What does matter is that you research it, and research more than just the Kama Sutra<\/i>. I mean, go ahead, pick that up, but also maybe pick up a brochure or two from Island Sexual Health. Go ahead, look up a few techniques and get a recommendation from any local \u201csexpert\u201d on products you can use to enhance enjoyment.<\/p>\n

We shouldn\u2019t say that sex is no longer a man\u2019s penis in a woman\u2019s vagina, because it never was just that. Sex is enjoyment and sexuality is a journey for all of us, including the people who never have or never will have sex, and respect is something everyone deserves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sex. That\u2019s all I need to say and there\u2019s an immediate reaction. \u201cHell yeah,\u201d say some of you. \u201cOh, no,\u201d say others. Like it or not, sex is a part of biology, which means it\u2019s a part of human life. Its connotations are ever-changing, depending on the social circles we\u2019re in at any given time. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":18779,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,245],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18778","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-features","category-january-6-2020"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18778","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18778"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18778\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18833,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18778\/revisions\/18833"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18779"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18778"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18778"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18778"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}