{"id":20386,"date":"2020-12-17T09:00:07","date_gmt":"2020-12-17T17:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=20386"},"modified":"2020-12-08T12:47:27","modified_gmt":"2020-12-08T20:47:27","slug":"freedom-from-addiction-finding-trust-and-safety-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2020\/12\/17\/freedom-from-addiction-finding-trust-and-safety-in-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Freedom from Addiction<\/em>: Finding trust and safety in relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the best gifts I\u2019ve received from joining the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) fellowship is a plethora of genuine, fulfilling, connected friendships. I have developed new friendships over the past three years and deepened some of my longstanding relationships via the path of addiction recovery. This is not a coincidence.<\/p>\n

Addictions\u2014whether to drugs, alcohol, gambling, gaming, pornography, unhealthy sexual relationships or dysfunctional partnerships\u2014perform as stand-ins for close and healthy relationships with others.<\/p>\n

In recovery, as we disengage from our addictive behaviours, there is a natural space that\u2019s left open\u2014this is why trying to recover on our own does not tend to work. This space needs to be filled, in part, with supportive relationships. If we weren\u2019t alone, or did not feel profoundly alone in some way, we would not have found the tantalizing temptation of addiction so alluring in the first place.<\/p>\n

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Freedom from Addiction<\/em> is a column exploring issues relating to addiction (graphic by bestdesigns).<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I recall\u2014as most, if not all, addicts can relate to\u2014feeling very alone as a child a lot of the time. I experienced abandonment\u2014both physically and emotionally\u2014abuse, and had thoughts and feelings for which there was no safe container or receptive individual to validate my feelings and provide comfort and reassurance.<\/p>\n

I found addictive pleasure to soothe me at a very young age, as many do when distressing emotions go unmet.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all heard the well-known aphorism \u201cYou\u2019ve got to love yourself before you can truly love or be loved by another,\u201d or some variation of that. This observation holds truth, no doubt. We cannot dump our old wounds onto another person to \u201cfix\u201d for us. If you have ever tried that, you know\u2014or you will soon enough\u2014that there is no such magical person who can rescue us from our emotional pain.<\/p>\n

That said, we don\u2019t learn to love ourselves all on our own, either. We need others in the process of healing and recovery. In some cases, we have no idea what real love or support feels like until we\u2019ve come across it through a kind friend or caring counsellor, even if only briefly.<\/p>\n

Healing is a collaborative process\u2014we become willing, and life begins to open up and provide support. Just as addiction is a cycle that spirals downward\u2014isolation breeding addiction, which in turn demands further isolation, and so on\u2014healing is a cycle that spirals upward.<\/p>\n

So, yes, we do need to love ourselves to participate in a fully engaged, committed, fulfilling, and healthy relationship, but we need to receive love along our journey, as well, not just as a result of recovery but also as a part of it.<\/p>\n

If, like me, you desire a healthy partnership that is free of abuse, drama, games, deceit, and manipulation, nurturing friendships are a good place to begin. Defining what safety and connection is and is not is required. Willingness to be open and to love ourselves promotes nurturing, loving relationships, which help us to continue to open up. This is the upward spiral of healing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of the best gifts I\u2019ve received from joining the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) fellowship is a plethora of genuine, fulfilling, connected friendships. I have developed new friendships over the past three years and deepened some of my longstanding relationships via the path of addiction recovery. This is not a coincidence. Addictions\u2014whether to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19487,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20386","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-webexclusive"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20386","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20386"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20386\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20387,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20386\/revisions\/20387"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19487"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20386"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20386"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20386"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}