{"id":20489,"date":"2021-01-26T09:00:25","date_gmt":"2021-01-26T17:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=20489"},"modified":"2021-02-10T09:07:19","modified_gmt":"2021-02-10T17:07:19","slug":"freedom-from-addiction-romantic-relationships-and-waking-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2021\/01\/26\/freedom-from-addiction-romantic-relationships-and-waking-up\/","title":{"rendered":"Freedom from Addiction<\/em>: Romantic relationships and waking up"},"content":{"rendered":"

Addiction is about staying asleep, so to speak. Part of the function of being swaddled in the dark cloud of addiction is, more or less, to block out reality. In Pia Mellody\u2019s book Facing Love Addiction<\/em> she writes that all addicts\u2014including sex, love, and relationship addicts\u2014find reality \u201cintolerable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Addiction recovery is about waking up from the slumber. At some point, usually rock bottom, we see clearly, or begin to get a strong sense that shrouding ourselves in ignorance is no more useful than walking around with a virtual-reality headset on. The virtual reality might be preferred over actual reality, just like escaping from pain and discomfort through addiction might be preferred. The problem with that is that reality persists whether we like it to or not\u2026 or, indeed, whether we see it or not. As it turns out, ignorance is not bliss, at least not for long.<\/p>\n

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Freedom from Addiction<\/em> is a column exploring issues relating to addiction (graphic by bestdesigns).<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Neither are romantic relationships, although they may at first feel quite heavenly blissful. Culturally, we seem to believe that romantic relationships\/partnerships ought to make us happy, content, and secure from a place of unhappiness, discontent, and insecurity. I have seen in others and in myself the propensity to use relationships to avoid inner pain, insecurity, and loneliness, and project an image of happiness, worthiness, and normalcy.<\/p>\n

The way I see it, however, all relationships\u2014especially those of a romantic nature\u2014are meant to help us wake up, as a matter of speaking, more so than to make us happy. A partner is like a mirror\u2014they show us who we are and why we feel and behave in certain ways. If we are willing to see, relationships can act as catalysts for revealing our patterns, triggers, and fears\u2014the roadmaps to freedom and contentment.<\/p>\n

When we participate in relationships with the understanding that they are meant to help us evolve, and when we accept that this is not always easy or pleasant, we gain a sense of peace, and we become much more kind, respectful, and loving toward those we are involved with. We cannot be a good partner, or attract a good partner, if we want to use a relationship like a drug, as an escape from reality, to make us happy, to feel powerful or gain a sense of control, or as a cover-up for what feels weak or wounded within us.<\/p>\n

Relationships can certainly enhance our lives and bring us joy, and, according to modern psychology, they are a good predictor of well-being. Nevertheless, it might be more beneficial to view relationships as opportunities to know ourselves better, and to face our fears, insecurities, and defects of character.<\/p>\n

Ignorance is not bliss. \u201cWaking up\u201d is well worth the effort for each of us, and for our relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Addiction is about staying asleep, so to speak. Part of the function of being swaddled in the dark cloud of addiction is, more or less, to block out reality. In Pia Mellody\u2019s book Facing Love Addiction she writes that all addicts\u2014including sex, love, and relationship addicts\u2014find reality \u201cintolerable.\u201d Addiction recovery is about waking up from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":19487,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20489","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-webexclusive"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20489","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20489"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20489\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20603,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20489\/revisions\/20603"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19487"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20489"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20489"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20489"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}