{"id":23947,"date":"2023-05-03T09:00:12","date_gmt":"2023-05-03T16:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=23947"},"modified":"2023-05-02T11:36:03","modified_gmt":"2023-05-02T18:36:03","slug":"walking-the-balance-beam-balancing-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2023\/05\/03\/walking-the-balance-beam-balancing-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"Walking the Balance Beam<\/em>: Balancing boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"

Late March was tough for me. Lots was going on in my life, and there were finals coming up. My brain felt full; it also felt fried. I\u2019d been trying to think up a topic for this column: how to balance sanity with a serious relationship, final exams, and two very frisky cats. It seemed like a topic that I had no answers for, never mind the ability to write about. I was frustrated\u2014what could I write about in these times of final exams that could be helpful to myself, and to others, while not being too heavy?<\/p>\n

I found my answer standing in a crowded Starbucks while waiting for my coffee to be handed to me. As usual, I was watching (and eavesdropping on) the people and situations around me. What caught my eye was a child of maybe two or three, crying and stamping their tiny feet over I don\u2019t know what while their mother kneeled before them. This mother had the glacial composure of a well-rehearsed Stepford mom; she was probably on her phone scheduling a strata meeting, getting mentally prepared for a gym visit, and just about to drop her kid off at a vegan daycare. But what really got me was that this mom was saying to her tantrum-throwing child (of about two or three), \u201cWe need to set some boundaries, right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Walking the Balance Beam<\/em> is a column appearing in every issue of Nexus<\/em> (photo by Emily Welch).<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Of course, the child had no idea how to absorb this, and I had to go, so I didn\u2019t get to find out what happened there. But it made me start thinking about this topic of boundary-setting. Why are boundaries so important to our survival?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Boundaries give a nice nudge to people, and to yourself. They create a clear picture of how you want to be treated; they also let people know how not to treat you. This makes everyone involved feel cozy, looked after, and safe. Having boundaries, and setting them, shows trust and respect, for yourself and others. For students, establishing our own boundaries keeps us from getting burnt out and alleviates anxiety.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Boundary-setting can be as simple as telling a friend that you can\u2019t give them a ride to work when you already have your own stuff to do. It can get a bit tricky if it\u2019s a family member telling you you\u2019re obligated to them forever because they helped you with your rent two years ago, or saying no to your boss when they ask you to take extra shifts when you have studying to do. Saying no is one of the most difficult boundaries to set; we\u2019ve been conditioned in society to be unselfish. But it saves a great deal of time, plus heartache\u2014not to mention the possibility of a major blow-up or an involuntary commitment to the hospital when the stress of it all keeps climbing.<\/p>\n

So, as cynical as I felt when leaving the scene of the screaming child, I did do a lot of thinking on boundaries. They\u2019re essential to achieving a more balanced life, and, with practice, they\u2019ll set a guideline for getting our needs met without feeling bad. However, I\u2019ll stand by my conviction that trying to set them with a screaming toddler is not only unachievable but also slightly absurd. After all, \u201cno\u201d is a common first word, and it\u2019s a word that a lot of us adults need to relearn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Late March was tough for me. Lots was going on in my life, and there were finals coming up. My brain felt full; it also felt fried. I\u2019d been trying to think up a topic for this column: how to balance sanity with a serious relationship, final exams, and two very frisky cats. It seemed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":23452,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,287],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-23947","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-may-3-2023"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23947","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23947"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23947\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23948,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23947\/revisions\/23948"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/23452"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23947"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23947"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23947"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}