{"id":25705,"date":"2024-09-03T09:00:52","date_gmt":"2024-09-03T16:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/?p=25705"},"modified":"2024-08-27T12:54:06","modified_gmt":"2024-08-27T19:54:06","slug":"open-space-finding-connection-in-suffering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2024\/09\/03\/open-space-finding-connection-in-suffering\/","title":{"rendered":"Open Space<\/em>: Finding connection in suffering"},"content":{"rendered":"

This summer, I attended the Otherworld Burning Man event, four days of non-stop electronic music with bass lines so deep you can feel the vibrations in your bones. Psychedelic drugs are everywhere.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Burning Man events are about escaping the cagey terror of living in a paranoid culture where we\u2019re afraid of our neighbours, whose names we don\u2019t even know. There is something to be said for forming a community of people who share the same values and who openly accept each other.<\/p>\n

A major spectacle at Otherworld is the Naked Run, where anyone can take off all their clothes and run around together without shame. It seemed like everyone was having a wonderful time, connecting with each other on a deeply human level. But I felt like I didn\u2019t exist. I was struck by a visceral feeling of grief.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve never felt like I belonged anywhere. At Burning Man, I\u2019m surrounded by the most bizarre group of eclectic weirdos our society has to offer. Here, of all places, I should fit in. But I was invisible. One singular thought burned into my mind: I\u2019m nearly 40 years old and I can\u2019t even fit in with a bunch of freaks. So what\u2019s the point of faking it for 40 more years?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
This story originally appeared in our September 3, 2024 issue.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I couldn\u2019t do it anymore. I knew with an overwhelming conviction that I just needed to die. I would leave in the morning and drive off the side of the Malahat. Surrounded by hundreds of happy people who blissfully ignored me, I lay curled up, weeping until I couldn\u2019t breathe.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The next morning, I began to pack up. As I was about to leave, a friend intercepted me and took me aside. I had another cry and he eventually convinced me to hold off killing myself until tomorrow. \u201cFor now, let\u2019s just cook some breakfast.\u201d This seemed like a passable idea.<\/p>\n

Later that night, despite being emotionally and physically exhausted, I went to another event, the Temple Burn, where a wooden temple is constructed and people are invited to write thoughts and feelings they want to leave behind. Later, that wood would be burned. I saw a lot of pain on those walls.<\/p>\n

A young woman struck up a conversation with me, gave me a line of ketamine, and asked if I wanted to hang out with her friends that evening. Sure, why not? We swam through thick throngs of people, flashing neon lights, laser smoke displays, and the rolling thunder of bass drops.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I told one of my companions about how everyone was having such a great time, but I wasn\u2019t even human. He confided to me that he had scream-cried three times that week. He\u2019s racked with chronic pain. He knew someone who had killed themselves, and someone who was planning on it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEverybody suffers,\u201d he told me. \u201cIt\u2019s the only thing we truly have in common.\u201d<\/p>\n

I had been looking at it all wrong. I was searching for joy as a benchmark of human connection, but that\u2019s not it at all. It\u2019s pain that binds us together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But what about romance and friendship? Isn\u2019t that about joy? Sure. But anyone who\u2019s in a committed relationship knows that the real strength isn\u2019t in the good times; it\u2019s in the ability to support each other through the tougher days, through the blood and vomit, and come out the other end stronger together. That\u2019s love that lasts.<\/p>\n

I do belong. Like everyone else, I have hidden pain. So, the next time you feel like an alien, don\u2019t focus on all the fun that everyone else is having. Human connection is about recognizing our common suffering\u2026 and there\u2019s incredible beauty in that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This summer, I attended the Otherworld Burning Man event, four days of non-stop electronic music with bass lines so deep you can feel the vibrations in your bones. Psychedelic drugs are everywhere.\u00a0 Burning Man events are about escaping the cagey terror of living in a paranoid culture where we\u2019re afraid of our neighbours, whose names […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":25694,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,316],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25705","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-views","category-september-3-2024"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25705","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25705"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25705\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25706,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25705\/revisions\/25706"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25705"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25705"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25705"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}