{"id":3921,"date":"2012-09-05T08:57:04","date_gmt":"2012-09-05T15:57:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=3921"},"modified":"2012-09-04T15:24:37","modified_gmt":"2012-09-04T22:24:37","slug":"in-search-of-lost-time-manufactured-identity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2012\/09\/05\/in-search-of-lost-time-manufactured-identity\/","title":{"rendered":"In Search of Lost Time<\/em>: Manufactured identity"},"content":{"rendered":"

As a MTF transsexual, sex was always a strange act for me.<\/p>\n

I always felt closer and more enduring emotion from cuddling, kissing, caressing. During sex, I would imagine being the woman that I am, which made things difficult.<\/p>\n

Sex was a strange and foreign act that was not as satisfactory as the media would have me believe. It is quite the opposite now.<\/p>\n

But then, when I think back, masturbation was far more satisfying. This was not the fault of any of my previous partners; it was me being upset about the state of my body and the role I had to play in coitus.<\/p>\n

I aligned myself with the thoughts of asexuality. I had never really investigated my asexuality because I was socialized to have sex. Yet another identity that I held internal and only spoke of in hushed tones in the dark to whomever I was trusting at the time; sometimes it was just my kitties.<\/p>\n

Was I discovering my asexuality, or was I simply manufacturing objects of my sexual self to adapt and provide comfort in the face of loneliness?<\/p>\n

I was manufacturing it.<\/p>\n

My previous self was definitely inclined to an asexual identity due to the nature of my cultural and socially constructed manhood, confining my womanhood to inner fantasy and ever-present daydreaming.<\/p>\n

However, now that Daphne was a living reflection of my inner self and the chains of imposed social frameworks have been broken, fractured, and shattered, I no longer align with those feelings. At least not in the same way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a MTF transsexual, sex was always a strange act for me. I always felt closer and more enduring emotion from cuddling, kissing, caressing. During sex, I would imagine being the woman that I am, which made things difficult. Sex was a strange and foreign act that was not as satisfactory as the media would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,11,76],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-columns","category-issue","category-september-5-2012"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t