{"id":7899,"date":"2013-10-16T08:45:48","date_gmt":"2013-10-16T15:45:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=7899"},"modified":"2013-10-17T09:42:43","modified_gmt":"2013-10-17T16:42:43","slug":"astrological-asininity-october-16-2013-issue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2013\/10\/16\/astrological-asininity-october-16-2013-issue\/","title":{"rendered":"Astrological Asininity<\/em>: October 16, 2013 issue"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hey, everyone! River here. I\u2019ve been reading the stars and I\u2019m not too proud of you. You\u2019d think after last time you\u2019d smarten up your act. Looks to me like you havOH MY GOD A BUTTERFLY, GOTTA GO!<\/p>\n

Aries: Bring me more butterflies, they\u2019re so pretty!<\/p>\n

Taurus: The planets are aligned, the stars are in the heavens, and you better stop reading this and keep studying, because that test isn\u2019t going to be easy.<\/p>\n

Gemini: There\u2019s no way she doesn\u2019t know. Really.<\/p>\n

Cancer: Your lucky numbers are 3, 6, and 18. But don\u2019t buy a lotto ticket. You\u2019ll die on the walk over there. Totally not worth it.<\/p>\n

Leo: Um, can you find the Aries people and help with the butterfly thing please and thanks?<\/p>\n

Virgo: Ever try to put up that plastic wrap seal over your horrible single-pane windows? It\u2019s hard, isn\u2019t it? Put up this year\u2019s on Saturday, October 19, at 10:28 in the morning. It\u2019ll be way easy. Trust me on this, I\u2019m an astrologist! (And if it doesn\u2019t work out, tell it to my editor, not me, LOL).<\/p>\n

Libra: I told you last time to \u201cjust start.\u201d You really shouldn\u2019t have listened to me.<\/p>\n

Scorpio: Hi! I really like your sign; ohmygod, totally not hitting on you; I just think scorpions are cool. I held one once!<\/p>\n

Sagittarius: Oh no, I ran out of space and didn\u2019t tell Scorpio what was in their future! Oh no, it happened to you, too!<\/p>\n

Capricorn: Okay, hold on, gotta stop. Capricorn, Scorpio, AND Sagittarius, um, you guys are all good. Watch out for dogs, eat yummy things.<\/p>\n

Aquarius: I don\u2019t think I mentioned this last time, but I\u2019m totally an Aquarius. So, like, right on! Great things are gonna happen, and I totally read that in the stars, not just saying that because we rock.<\/p>\n

Pisces: Whatevs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey, everyone! River here. I\u2019ve been reading the stars and I\u2019m not too proud of you. You\u2019d think after last time you\u2019d smarten up your act. Looks to me like you havOH MY GOD A BUTTERFLY, GOTTA GO! Aries: Bring me more butterflies, they\u2019re so pretty! Taurus: The planets are aligned, the stars are in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,115],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7899","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-october-16-2013"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t