Hi! So last time around my editor totally cut out my intro part here, which I saw and was like OMG, totally cursing that jerk. But totally just kidding because I don\u2019t know how to curse yet (see Cancer, below).<\/p>\n
But seriously, an introduction is long overdue. I\u2019m River, and I can predict the future! LOL or at least I can see what\u2019s in the stars and all that jazz for you guys. Sometimes I get distracted, and I totally love yoga so sometimes I just like can\u2019t do this and need to go do yoga instead. LOL why is this on the humour page? I keep asking for a full-page astrology section, maybe next time LOL.<\/p>\n
Aries: <\/b>Hi! What\u2019s new? Okay, fully take advantage of \u201cnetworking opportunities\u201d and \u201cre-branding potential.\u201d Haha, just kidding, I don\u2019t know what that means! Just live life, smile, and laugh lots!<\/p>\n
Taurus:<\/b> Oops, last time I said avoid the number 76. Totally meant 77! Hope you figured that out!<\/p>\n
Gemini: <\/b>How did that happen? Well, I read my number-spinner wrong, silly! Oh, wait, Gemini, you didn\u2019t ask me that, my mom did. She\u2019s in the same room as me right now! As for YOU, silly goose, don\u2019t think what you did last week went unnoticed! It was totally noticed. Very cool.<\/p>\n
Cancer: <\/b>A curse on you! LOL just kidding. That\u2019s not what I\u2019m all about. Totally haven\u2019t learned curses yet. Avoid grocery stores next week. I sense something bad with cantaloupes.<\/p>\n
Leo: <\/b>Hi! Let me know if you know of any Leos named Lee. I have questions.<\/p>\n
Virgo: <\/b>There\u2019s some mix-ups in the cosmos regarding your goddamn attitude lately, so, like, quit it. And, good things regarding your career path in your future!<\/p>\n
Libra: <\/b>Eeeny…<\/p>\n
Scorpio: <\/b>Meeny…<\/p>\n
Sagittarius: <\/b>Miney…<\/p>\n
Capricorn: <\/b>Mo! LOL<\/p>\n
Aquarius: <\/b>Have I ever mentioned I\u2019m an Aquarius, too? For reals! Haha! So, let\u2019s do this!<\/p>\n
Pisces: <\/b>Sorry if I was kinda rude last time. Here, I\u2019ll make it up to you by letting you in on something: a certain some-planet is in retrograde so you\u2019re pretty likely to be getting up on the downlow in the distant future, if you know what I mean! And I hope you do, because I don\u2019t! Bye!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi! So last time around my editor totally cut out my intro part here, which I saw and was like OMG, totally cursing that jerk. But totally just kidding because I don\u2019t know how to curse yet (see Cancer, below). But seriously, an introduction is long overdue. I\u2019m River, and I can predict the future! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,117],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-november-13-2013"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t