{"id":8441,"date":"2014-01-08T08:50:54","date_gmt":"2014-01-08T16:50:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=8441"},"modified":"2021-11-05T15:40:59","modified_gmt":"2021-11-05T22:40:59","slug":"astrological-asininity-january-8-2014-issue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2014\/01\/08\/astrological-asininity-january-8-2014-issue\/","title":{"rendered":"Astrological Asininity<\/em>: January 8, 2014 issue"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi! Happy new year! This is a really spooky and cosmic time for us astrologists, so bear with me. I hope your planets stay aligned this year! I feel like mine are already totally not aligned LOL! Let\u2019s do this!<\/p>\n

Oh, and if you want to get in touch with me, well, sorry! I don\u2019t have an email LOL I think it\u2019s all being monitored and government mind control and microwaves and stuff BUT you can email Nexus<\/i> and they\u2019ll pass it along to me.<\/p>\n

Now that I\u2019m talking about microwaves I\u2019m hungry LOL!<\/p>\n

Aries: <\/b>Hi! Hope you had good holidays with lots of rest because LOL you\u2019ve got a hell of a January ahead of you! Watch out for men named Bob, or Bobby, and women named Jane! Hopefully that\u2019s not, like, your mom or best friend or something!<\/p>\n

Taurus:<\/b> Taurus! What\u2019s going on? How\u2019s the big bull sign doing LOL. Well, you seem like you have your ducks in a row, but I don\u2019t know if you do. Double check that your Ts are dotted and all that!<\/p>\n

Gemini: <\/b>At some point over the break, I thought, maybe I\u2019ll stop writing this column. Every time I\u2019m finished I crumble to the floor twitching and crying, it takes so much out of me! But then I think, Gemini, what\u2019s up! Gemini needs me. So, I\u2019m back! Watch out for back bacon. LOL totally not just saying that because when I said \u201cback\u201d there a while ago it made me think of back bacon. It\u2019s what I saw in the stars! Sometimes I see food LOL.<\/p>\n

Cancer: <\/b>Uh-oh, now I\u2019m hungry! Let\u2019s do this: 64 is good, 198 is very bad, networking and branding, I still don\u2019t know what either of those words mean, but you should focus on them, bye.<\/p>\n

Leo: <\/b>So, I told you a while ago about Lee the Leo I met? We totally hung out a LOT over the holidays. Leos, you\u2019re all good. I see squishy Saturn sundaes in your future! LOL.<\/p>\n

Virgo: <\/b>Virgos will be very vantastic in the future! LOL like fanastic!<\/p>\n

Libra: <\/b>Alright, let\u2019s get serious. Libra, good things are going to happen as a result of karma and stuff. LOL I typed \u201ckarama\u201d! Then I typed \u201ctypede\u201d! Anyway, keep up the good work just being you!<\/p>\n

Scorpio: <\/b>Hi! Hope all is well. Because it won\u2019t be for long! But hang in there: January might be a bummer, but February looks excellent. Whoa, long-term forecast! I didn\u2019t know I could do that LOL!<\/p>\n

Sagittarius: <\/b>I\u2019m still laughing over my \u201ctypede\u201d and \u201ckarama\u201d! I hope you found that funny, Sagittarius! Because there\u2019s not much else worth smiling about in your near future! Too bad! Like your good pal Scorpio, that\u2019ll change next month.<\/p>\n

Capricorn: <\/b>OMG there are so many signs!<\/p>\n

Aquarius: <\/b>Hold on a second: have I mentioned yet that I\u2019m an Aquarius? I don\u2019t think so! So, that\u2019s totally cool. We\u2019re, like, related! LOL let\u2019s hang out!<\/p>\n

Pisces: <\/b>You again? You\u2019re always after my sign (Aquarius!), closing things down, just being weird hanging around. But, fine: totally buy jellybeans this month, it\u2019ll set off a chain reaction like you wouldn\u2019t believe! LOL, wow!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi! Happy new year! This is a really spooky and cosmic time for us astrologists, so bear with me. I hope your planets stay aligned this year! I feel like mine are already totally not aligned LOL! Let\u2019s do this! Oh, and if you want to get in touch with me, well, sorry! I don\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,119],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8441","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-january-8-2014"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t