{"id":8555,"date":"2014-02-05T08:50:56","date_gmt":"2014-02-05T16:50:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=8555"},"modified":"2014-02-04T10:30:19","modified_gmt":"2014-02-04T18:30:19","slug":"astrological-asininity-february-5-2014-issue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2014\/02\/05\/astrological-asininity-february-5-2014-issue\/","title":{"rendered":"Astrological Asininity<\/em>: February 5, 2014 issue"},"content":{"rendered":"

So someone told me it\u2019s winter but it\u2019s totally not winter, that\u2019s in December! The cosmos works in weird ways, but not THAT weird!<\/p>\n

Aries: <\/b>So, that exam was pretty hard, right? That\u2019s because you didn\u2019t study enough, not because of the cosmos LOL.<\/p>\n

Taurus:<\/b> Do you ever just sit and think about the word \u201ccosmos\u201d? I do, and it\u2019s like, whoa, next thing you know I\u2019m think about cosplay and that\u2019s a word I only just learned the meaning of!<\/p>\n

Gemini: <\/b>Someone complained that I don\u2019t do enough actual predicting and get off topic [That was me, River\u0143ed].<\/i> So, here\u2019s some predicting: I predict that you\u2019re going to walk through Fisher and Ewing today, but no way are you walking through Dawson. Amiright or amiright?<\/p>\n

Cancer: <\/b>I think you need to worry less about worrying and… OMG that doesn\u2019t make any sense! If you\u2019re worrying less that must mean you\u2019re worrying, right? Or, no, wait…<\/p>\n

Leo: <\/b>You\u2019ve got a big life change coming up and it maybe involves huge rolled up pieces of fabric and I have no idea what that means so keep me posted k?<\/p>\n

Virgo: <\/b>Sometimes I skip my Visual Arts class and just sit on the lawn and think about pi, and how long that number goes on for! Virgos, I think you know what I mean when I say the pi is nigh.<\/p>\n

Libra: <\/b>Libras, I think YOU know what I mean when I say the pie is night! LOL just kidding, but keep an eye out for rotary phones, cassette tapes, and fax lines because that means you\u2019ve gone back in time and you\u2019re kinda in trouble.<\/p>\n

Scorpio: <\/b>There are silverfish in your future. Sorry! I really wish it wasn\u2019t true but it totally is.<\/p>\n

Sagittarius: <\/b>It just dawned on me that I\u2019ve never even read Nexus!<\/i> Is it a website or what? What\u2019s going on? Sagittarius, look out for people who only put one \u201ct\u201d in that word, and if your name has a \u201ct\u201d in it, those who double are double trouble.<\/p>\n

Capricorn: <\/b>Listen, is everything working out for you this year, in regards to what I\u2019ve been telling you? Because I just realized I\u2019ve been getting you and Pisces mixed up. So, talk to Libra, find out how they went back in time (!), do it, then look at my old columns and make sure you\u2019re all square.<\/p>\n

Aquarius: <\/b>Aquarius! Fellow star traveller, you can\u2019t hide everything from River: your birthday was recently! Umm… guess my invite got lost in the mail! Or, by email! What, are you going to tell me \u201cit\u2019s probably in my junk folder\u201d next? Please stop lying. I still love you, fellow Aquarius person! Lucky number is 1 (LOL, 1), and lucky life is everything! Wow! Um, I feel dizzy.<\/p>\n

Pisces: <\/b>See Capricorn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So someone told me it\u2019s winter but it\u2019s totally not winter, that\u2019s in December! The cosmos works in weird ways, but not THAT weird! Aries: So, that exam was pretty hard, right? That\u2019s because you didn\u2019t study enough, not because of the cosmos LOL. Taurus: Do you ever just sit and think about the word […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,121],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-february-5-2014"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8555","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8555"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8555\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8556,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8555\/revisions\/8556"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8555"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8555"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8555"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}