{"id":9133,"date":"2014-06-09T12:42:00","date_gmt":"2014-06-09T19:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/?p=9133"},"modified":"2014-06-11T09:15:08","modified_gmt":"2014-06-11T16:15:08","slug":"astrological-asininity-june-9-2014-issue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/2014\/06\/09\/astrological-asininity-june-9-2014-issue\/","title":{"rendered":"Astrological Asininity<\/em>: June 9, 2014 issue"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ugh like whoa, we made it through one month of these long classes but now we\u2019re in another OMG can it please stop? Well here are some fortunes to help you out a bit!<\/p>\n

Aries: <\/b>Hairies! Hairy Aries! LOL just kidding, hi Aries! Hope you bought a lotto ticket like I told you to last time. Umm you didn\u2019t well why do you even read this then? Please come find me my office is in the middle of Hillside where I meditate LOL you can\u2019t miss me I\u2019m River. River Rainfall!<\/p>\n

Taurus:<\/b> So you\u2019re a bull? Bullshit! LOL sorry omg I wonder if I can say that on this radio show or whatever this is? Anyway, I\u2019d appreciate you helping me out a bit because I\u2019m struggling this semester umm so yeah that\u2019s your fortune tutor me.<\/p>\n

Gemini: <\/b>\u201cTutor\u201d is such a weird looking word! Anyway, avoid tomatoes, small pieces of orange-ish paper (orange paper is fine, but if it\u2019s an off-orange, orange-y kinda thing, avoid), and weird little monkeys with glasses and mustaches! Holy specific and weird fortune!<\/p>\n

Cancer: <\/b>LOL totally pulling Gemini\u2019s leg there again. Did that last time, too. As for you\u2026 I\u2019d never pull your leg! So watch out for unicorns, and flying horses with horns. For reals.<\/p>\n

Leo: <\/b>Sooo\u2026 between me and you, Lee the Leo is back in my life. He found me meditating on Hillside and pulled me out of the way before this Nissan almost plowed me over (That was me.\u2013ed.)<\/i> We totally kissed and yeah, we\u2019re kinda hanging around again. So, Lee, I mean Leo, love is in the air!<\/p>\n

Virgo: <\/b>Hi! I\u2019m starting to think you\u2019re a bit of a bad seed. I know what you did last spring! LOL. Anyway, watch out for eyelashes and eyebrow hair falling into your eye. Sounds innocent enough, but if that happens when you\u2019re driving, you could accidentally get blinded and hit someone! That must have been why the person in the Nissan almost hit me! (No.-ed.)<\/i><\/p>\n

Libra: <\/b>I went camping recently! Now the reason I tell you that, Libra, is because I see some interesting adventures in your life if you go camping soon. One involves levitation so ummm just go.<\/p>\n

Scorpio: <\/b>Hello Scorp! I saw you snoozing during one of those evening three-hour classes the other night. Wake up! LOL!<\/p>\n

Sagittarius: <\/b>Red is good, blue is bad; 2 is good, 4 is bad. Hey, that was easy!<\/p>\n

Capricorn: <\/b>Listen, this is getting tough. I\u2019m behind schedule and my teacher for my English 160 class totes says I need to stop falling asleep in class (what am I, Scorpio? LOL!). Can you just make up your own fortune this time please and thanks?<\/p>\n

Aquarius: <\/b>So\u2026 last time around I told you about the annual Aquarius get-together. Is there some reason I was THE ONLY ONE sitting out there in the field that day? Didn\u2019t you get the memo in your mind? Or am I the only one who gets those LOL. Well, let\u2019s do it again! Keep your mind peeled for the memo!<\/p>\n

Pisces: <\/b>Dead last! Every time!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ugh like whoa, we made it through one month of these long classes but now we\u2019re in another OMG can it please stop? Well here are some fortunes to help you out a bit! Aries: Hairies! Hairy Aries! LOL just kidding, hi Aries! Hope you bought a lotto ticket like I told you to last […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,127],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-june-11-2014"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9133"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9134,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9133\/revisions\/9134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.nexusnewspaper.com\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}