Double Teamed: Time for the three-way pileup

Columns March 7, 2012

Clorisa: So, Dylan, have you ever participated in a three-way?

Dylan: Nope.

C: Yeah, me neither. Seems like it would be a lot of work.

D: I dunno. I don’t know if I understand the appeal?

C: I guess I can. How would you not feel pretty baller if you had two ladies? I think you can play it up in your head, but when you go to do it it’s like, “This is kinda awkward.”

D: I think it’s cooler in the “yes, I did it” way more so than doing it and seriously trying to get two people off.

C: Yeah, just the thought of it, “Yeah, I did that”… that’s sweet. But was it really that great? I feel like it’s not about the effort of trying to please two people. I think that if you are involved in a three-way and you want to get off, that’s really up to you. You have to get yourself there.

D: So there’s a selfish aspect when there’s an extra person involved?

C: You have to be in charge of your own orgasm, essentially. The badass part of me thinks, “It’d be so badass if I had a three-way.” But at the same time, it would be so much work, it would be awkward, and it would just be weird. It would be ruined.

D: So Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman come up to you at a party and they’re like, “Clorisa, we want to have a three-way.” Is that shit happening or not?

C: Who would pass that up? If Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman came up to you, would you turn that down?

D: Oh, god no.

C: Fuck it. It’s too good of an opportunity to pass up. I’m gonna want to tell my friends about it later. But that’s the thing, though – that’s what I’m thinking about: that it would be an awesome story. The story of having a three-way is what’s getting people off.