Ummmm so my editor told me to “be more concise” after last time. After I finished swearing at the jerk, I looked up that word in the dictionary [Anyone looking for a job as our new astrologist?—ed]. Then I looked up “concise,” too, and “be” while I was at it. And, okay, fine. I’ll keep it to the point. Speaking of points, OMG on unicorns being real!
Aries: Hi! I think that if you’re considering “social media guru” as a career path, you should forget it; however, I see an astrologist! Oh, wait, that’s me in a mirror! LOL.
Taurus: So, true story: I was walking down the road the… oh, wait; I need to keep this to the point. That’s hard! Hmm, okay, rubbing my crystal ball, I see hard pencil tips in your future. Totally not sure why!
Gemini: Sometimes I wonder if the real meaning of truth can ever be spoken, or, if like a whisper in the wind, it would just disintegrate the second it came out of one’s lips.
Cancer: LOL whoa on the Gemini thing there! I don’t even remember writing that. I’ve been having these moments lately. So, Cancer, can you figure out Gemini’s future, and Gemini, figure out Cancer’s, and you two get together and chat? Merci.
Leo: So, um, Lee the Leo, yeah, me and him, we’re not really hanging out anymore. That’s what happens when you’re a total jackass, I guess! LOL, um, burn in Hell, Lee.
Virgo: Your lucky number is an unlikely 3,204; not sure when that will come in handy, but hold on to that.
Libra: LOL last time I typed “typede” in your little spot here, Libra. That was so funny I am still laughing over it. OHMYGOD WATCH OUT FOR SCORPIONS!
Scorpio: So I warned you that January is going to be bad but February good. Still holds true. Except I got the months wrong: January good, February bad. Sorries!
Sagittarius: I always start to get tired out around here.
Capricorn: Please contact Gemini and Cancer and get in on their action.
Aquarius: I got your mental signal that you’d like to hang out! I tried sending one back but your receptors appear to be down. Can you please put them up and we’ll hang out! Also, focus on relationships, crosswalks, and corn on the cob! LOL that’s something to do with Capricorn, I think.
Pisces: Did you buy jellybeans like I told you to? NOW YOU KNOW. It’s really hard to type “now” and “know” so close together like that. Maybe in my stars I see a typing class! LOL just kidding, I don’t really want to do that. Oh, Pisces, one more thing: you really, really, really need to be careful around that horse.