A few days ago, I came across a video on social media by a man trying to empower women.
Against my better judgment, I clicked on the link. I made it 90 seconds into the seven-minute video before tapping out. In that short time, he told us all how he wished we weren’t so hard on ourselves, and on each other. He informed us how, no matter what we weigh, we are all beautiful (a fact he reiterated many times). How if we just stopped judging each other, our lives would be easier. How we needed to stop this damaging behaviour.
Everything about this message made my skin crawl, because for a guy to try to tell women how to think and navigate our emotions is a foundational flaw in our society. Until you’ve walked a mile in my stilettos (or runners, or clogs, or flip-flops), you don’t get to tell me how to feel.
The most heartbreaking part was the fact that his comments were flooded by women waxing poetic about what an amazing man he was and how he’s so right: we are so hard on ourselves.
My carefully crafted comment (in other words, my verbal diarrhea written as fast as my fingers would type) went a little (okay, exactly) something (verbatim) like this: If only it was this simple. If only we weren’t bombarded from birth with the opposite message. The reason we think these things is because they are ingrained in us from an early age. Instead of telling women to stop judging themselves, maybe tell the patriarchy to stop judging us.
His response made me do a literal facepalm (side note: take off rings when performing this task). He informed me that thinking that women were the only ones who were judged was incorrect. Did I know men are harshly judged based on their performance and ability to provide? They are just better at putting it aside than women. Did I know it wasn’t a skill taught from birth? He then thanked me for my comment.
I assured him I was happy to impart a little (empowered) women’s wisdom, and politely thanked him for mansplaining. Because, really, whatever would I do without a man explaining the big scary society outside my kitchen?
I never got a response. The next time I went to check the comments, his profile (and video) were set to private.
Was it something I said?