It has been brought to my attention (by a cis white male) that it is a very confusing time for cis white males.
They’re feeling vulnerable, unsure if their actions are going to land them in a situation they didn’t want. They’re scared that what they say or do will be twisted, painting them in a way they didn’t intend.
They’re unsure how to navigate friendships with the opposite sex—they don’t want their actions to be misinterpreted or to leave them vulnerable. They’re riddled with anxiety over dating, scared of being too forward and the consequences of that. They’re worried about navigating workplace relationships and giving people “the wrong idea.”
Dear confused cis white male: welcome to our universe! Allow me to womansplain some nuggets to help you navigate your newfound societal position.
First of all, you are no longer “authoritative” or a “go-getter,” you are “bossy” and “pushy.” Sorry, Champ.
The good news is that you can now use hormones as an excuse for your moods—don’t worry if you aren’t comfortable using biology in your favour—people will vocalize this option for you!
Next up: friendships.
A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn’t say or send it to a fellow cis white male, probably don’t unleash it on us. How comfortable would you have to be with Mark from accounting to send him a picture of your junk? Same rules apply for Mary who works down the hall. When in doubt, don’t hit “send.”
When it comes to dating, accept that it’s a shitshow, invest in some good ice cream, live in fear, and be prepared to threaten to switch teams in search of less obnoxious pastures before signing up for yet another dating site to avoid becoming a crazy cat cis white male.
All sass aside, I appreciate y’all have had your foundation rocked. I appreciate your fears and concerns, but here’s the thing, confused cis white male: society as we knew it is kind of like a plane experiencing engine failure. The best advice I can give you is to fasten your seatbelts, boys. Because as the patriarchy freefalls we’re too busy putting on our own oxygen masks to help you with yours.