Have you ever been at a family gathering, looked around, and wondered, “Who the heck are these people, and how is it that I’m related to them?” Sometimes it might seem like the universe is playing a fantastic joke. These people are all very different—different hobbies, political ideals, maybe even morals and ethics.
Of course, I’m not talking about all families, but on the whole, magnificently different personalities are forced to gather several times a year and make merry, often just to question the decisions and situations made by other biological (or chosen) family members, and to compare their situations to their own.
Somehow, if we want to keep balance in our lives, we have to try to get through this and keep our minds open.
I heard a saying recently about how human beings have to strive to have empty minds, to not have minds of our own. This doesn’t mean that we can’t have opinions, but that we had to keep our minds still, and free, in order to learn and grow from what we observe.
An example of this was my own experience with my godfather, who was American and had extremely different political ideals from my own; I’d almost go so far as to say opposite political ideals. But I know that he was extremely supportive, kind, generous, and funny. We could overlook the different opinions each other had, and focus on the similarities we shared, of which there were many. We had a wonderful relationship, full of positive regard and mutual respect; we never talked about what we didn’t have in common because it wasn’t necessary.
I never knew that having such a mature relationship with someone so different could be possible to achieve until I achieved it. My godfather died a few months ago, and he is very much missed. The most valuable thing he left me was inspiration on how to navigate other familial obstacles. To be able to look around the dinner table during one of these tortuous family gatherings and have the wherewithal to realize how each person is valuable, and necessary, in my life.
If this happens to any of us, it’s a great experience. Even if there isn’t this a-ha moment of zen, and we’re able to just get through the evening, weekend, or holiday without a committing a violent crime, this could in itself be a great achievement, a true pat-ourselves-on-the-back big deal.
Being able to find balance in family relationships is extremely difficult, but it is totally possible. It may take a lot of deep breaths, time outs, questions to the universe about how the heck can I ever understand these people, and possibly some prayers for survival, but in the end, it is family—biological or chosen—and finding balance in our differences is a way to help our minds expand.
Embrace the idea, and maybe even each other. There is never a better time to start than now.