I’ve mentioned before that I’m one of those late-blooming students that decided to go back to school in their 30s. I’d previously had a rather unpredictable and gregarious lifestyle through much of my life, changing jobs and careers, dabbling (or rather absorbing myself) in activities that were not healthy to my body or spirit.
The decision to come back to school was the first decision I had ever made that truly would enrich my life.
A drawback to this is that I’m often, although not always, older than the other students in the class, and, of course, with every semester I become more aware of it. I love learning, and I try not to let it get to me that I’ve started so much later in life than most of my colleagues. It’s not always easy, though, when surrounded by so many fresh minds and faces. I sit next to these students with their rosy, flushed, supple skin, and their ever-changing hip dialogues, and I feel terribly slow, and, yes, old. When I try to keep up with the way they interact, I often feel even older.
We live in a society that is unkind to women getting older. I felt in my 20s that I wouldn’t get older; it felt completely out of reach. But middle age (aaaaagh) has descended on me faster than a rabbit on uppers. I am now suddenly in a world where Facebook is sending me endless advertisements for youth-inducing miracle creams and serums, along with articles about some essential plant products that will make me look and feel 19 again. I see how much shame women receive when they age, but it seems the opposite for men, who, when they age, become sexy, handsome, distinguished, and craggy, and have Clooney-obsessed young Smurfettes falling at their feet. Women, once they age, seem to disappear, and that’s the best-case scenario. Others, such as female celebrities, are shamed and ridiculed for having their bodies go through their natural processes.
It’s hard to face reality about the way my body is changing, yet my mind feels more agile than it’s ever been. I seem to gain curiosity and energy to learn with every new line on my face.
I would love to say that I refuse to let social media influence my feelings, but I’m still human and, therefore, sensitive. I can, however, refuse to let my own mind slow down, and, hopefully, with every passing year, time on Earth will be appreciated, rather than ridiculed, in women.