Wednesday, February 20
The Pharcyde, Cityreal, DJ Verse, DJ Squantos
Club 90NE9, $18, 9 PM
I drank with a Quebecois in the Canadian Navy for my birthday one year. He was trying to keep up but I could tell it wouldn’t end well. We had to drive from Sidney into town for a dance party. Our designated driver was bone sober so when we hit a roadblock the cop just smiled and waved us through. We hadn’t gone 20 feet past him when the Frenchman in the back proceeded to projectile vomit on everything in range. I dunked my head in a 7–11 bathroom sink and then danced my ass off for the rest of the night.
Friday, February 22
The Wailers, Roger Steffens
Club 90NE9, $29.50, 6:30 PM
Did anyone catch Sting hogging the spotlight at the Grammy’s the other night? The guy was in the background of every crowd shot. After all that hamming it up, he even had the audacity to play a Police song during a Bob Marley tribute. “Walking on the Moon,” my ass. His head is so big it’s the only place he can walk without falling over.
Friday, February 22
Longwalkshortdock, Miami Nights 1984, Dark Arps, G.I. Blunt
Sugar Nightclub, $22.50, 9 PM
So I just finished watching the latest season of Dexter. Have you ever seen it? It’s about a serial killer that kills serial killers. But here’s the catch… he’s a blood-spatter analyst for the Miami Metro Police Department. I watched the first handful of seasons, then skipped a couple, but figured it wouldn’t be too hard to catch on to the story. Really, what’s to get? He does bad things to bad people while trying not to get caught by his friends at work. Sounds like any job where you deal with the public.
Sunday, February 24
Melinda Whitaker
Victoria Art Gallery, $25-$30, 2 PM
I love checking the Internet Movie Database to see where actors got their starts. Usually it’s nothing I’ve heard of, but every once in a while it’s a bit part in a famous flick. I completely forgot that Forest Whitaker was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Johnny Depp was in the original A Nightmare on Elm Street. I could do this all day. I’m going to make some popcorn and get my keyboard all greasy from the butter. Or maybe I should just watch a movie instead? Nah…
Wednesday, February 27
NoMeansNo, The Hoffmans, AK-47
Club 90NE9, $18, 9 PM
I just keep getting older. But I guess the only other option would be to stop getting older but that would mean I would have to either find a fountain of youth or die. One is about as likely as getting my baby to stop throwing up all over himself and the other would just be, well, harsh. Looks like a slow descent into old age for me. At least, I hope so. Cross your fingers people, I don’t want to jinx this life. Do you know the meaning of…?
Friday, March 1
Mindil Beach Markets, Deep Sea Gypsies, Criss Cross and The River Band
Sugar Nightclub, $15, 8 PM
Style is such a relative thing. I love the fact that I’ve somehow snuck through life without ever owning a tie, let alone learned how to properly tie one. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to put on a swanky suit and look like a million bucks. Instead, I’ve done things like wear size 40 purple jeans when my waist was only a 30. I’m pretty sure I may have put my clothes on backwards for a school dance back in junior high. The only pair of dress shoes I’ve ever owned were some Doc Martens that I bought for my high-school graduation. At least I never owned a leather 8-ball jacket.
Saturday, March 2
Diamond Rings
Sugar Nightclub, $15, 7 PM
Did you know that they put serial numbers on diamonds these days? Seriously, who has a small enough chisel for that? What a ridiculously difficult job that must be. Jewellers already have to wear those crazy monocle things to see how pretty the diamonds are. Are they training mice or bugs to do this sort of work? What? They use lasers? Come on, you’re joking, right? I’m not falling for that one. What do you take me for, some kind of idiot?