“Comparison is the thief of joy.” We’ve probably all heard this quote at some point, regardless of whether or not we know to whom it’s attributed. We all understand this on a surface level: if you compare your achievements or failures to other people’s, you’ll likely feel disappointed if you don’t measure up, and that could make you want to quit.
However, it goes much deeper and can be even more damaging than people realize.
This quote is misattributed to a few famous people in history; however, its origins lack substantial evidence supporting its authenticity to any of them. The earliest verified match for this statement (or close to it) that I could find is attributed to author and Jesuit priest John Powell, who wrote in his 1989 book Happiness Is an Inside Job that “comparison is the death of true self-contentment.”
This likely got deeper over time than he realized.
Powell lived in a period where social media, as we know it in the modern day, was likely not even a consideration for how quickly and easily people could stay connected in real time. The way we now have access to seeing these perfectly curated snippets of people’s lives—especially of their successes—has created a space where we put our best selves forward. And only our best selves.
If you’re a rarity like me, you might overshare about your life in conversations and in your social-media presence. This is because I try to adhere to the same lifestyle that I teach: one that is built on a foundation of honest communication, genuine connection, and being fully transparent with everyone around me.
However, if you are like 99 percent of the world’s population, you probably carefully curate what you do or don’t say in public spaces. This could be for many reasons—for example, safety, comfort, censorship. These are all completely valid; your space, your rules.
However, when we are constantly being bombarded with these snippets of everyone’s perfect lives, suddenly, perfection looks like the norm, and anything less than that just feels like a personal failure. Because it’s not just celebrities or famous people we’re looking up to now; it’s every average person with a social-media account who appears to have the lifestyle we wish for. Which is entirely where the problem stems from.
We don’t know what went on behind the edited photos or the AI-enhanced captions (many influencers are now using AI to “optimize” their posts, so we’re losing even more honesty from the voices we see online). That makes it so crucially important to remember that there’s always something else going on behind the scenes: the complications or hurdles not shown, the injuries or illnesses and setbacks not shared, the self-doubt or retries not mentioned. Those were all an important part of the process, too—the most important part, I’d argue. Because without those missteps to learn from, we can’t see what works or not for our own process. Without learning, we can’t grow; without growing, we can’t reach our goals; and without reaching our goals, we can’t succeed.
Comparing ourselves to another, without keeping in mind that they may have a unique process or different circumstances in life, robs us of the opportunity to learn and grow on our own.