Astrological Asininity: March 19, 2014 issueOMG I got my first fan letter the other day OMG OMG OMG thank you for reading I hope your future is great! Oh wait, I know your future and, well, it’s so-soÉ but you’re still awesome! Totes thanks for reading! For the rest of you, hi! I’m River and I can see the future!@ […] Continue Reading |
Astrological Asininity: March 5, 2014 issueHi okay OMG did you see last issue where I was put at the bottom of the page? Is that because you’ve all been complaining about me? Um if anyone likes me please email The Next-Us or whatever this website is called and let them know! Aries: So did you use the duct tape like […] Continue Reading |
Astrological Asininity: February 19, 2014 issueHi! My name’s River and I can see the future… go! Aries: Okay, so there just might be something about a “duck escape” in your future but I don’t really get why unless you live on a farm! Oh, hold on, the cosmos is giving me some signals hereÉ oh, “duct tape”? Signal is coming […] Continue Reading |
Astrological Asininity: February 5, 2014 issueSo someone told me it’s winter but it’s totally not winter, that’s in December! The cosmos works in weird ways, but not THAT weird! Aries: So, that exam was pretty hard, right? That’s because you didn’t study enough, not because of the cosmos LOL. Taurus: Do you ever just sit and think about the word […] Continue Reading |
Astrological Asininity: January 22, 2014 issueUmmmm so my editor told me to “be more concise” after last time. After I finished swearing at the jerk, I looked up that word in the dictionary [Anyone looking for a job as our new astrologist?—ed]. Then I looked up “concise,” too, and “be” while I was at it. And, okay, fine. I’ll keep […] Continue Reading |
Astrological Asininity: January 8, 2014 issueHi! Happy new year! This is a really spooky and cosmic time for us astrologists, so bear with me. I hope your planets stay aligned this year! I feel like mine are already totally not aligned LOL! Let’s do this! Oh, and if you want to get in touch with me, well, sorry! I don’t […] Continue Reading |
Earth Council: January 8, 2014 issue |
Earth Council: November 27, 2013 issue |
Astrological Asininity: November 27, 2013 issueHi! So, totally someone thinks I’m making fun of astrology. Totally I’m not! Why WOULDN’T the stars and planets be able to tell me what’s in your future? Totally real. Totally go away if you don’t believe me. I’ve even got a crystal ball! It’s got little lines of electricity that come up to my […] Continue Reading |
Astrological Asininity: November 13, 2013 issueHi! So last time around my editor totally cut out my intro part here, which I saw and was like OMG, totally cursing that jerk. But totally just kidding because I don’t know how to curse yet (see Cancer, below). But seriously, an introduction is long overdue. I’m River, and I can predict the future! […] Continue Reading |
